Housewifery
I just watched the remake of "The Stepford Wives" again, and I started thinking....
In certain ways, I wish I could just be a housewife. To take care of a house, and kids, and only do that. Of course, it would be because I want to, but there's something so appealing about staying home and everything being in order, instead of the crumb covered chaos that is currently in vogue in my house.
And so of course, I feel oddly conflicted since I start thinking about how I relate to feminism, and how I'm on some way betraying what many women fought for, blah, blah blah, and THEN...I wonder why it's so wrong to WANT to be a housewife.
I understand some of the prior associations are bad, and I in NO way wish to return to a time when women were treated like chattel. But why do we not look at women who choose being a housewife and/or a mother as happy with their chosen vocation? Those of you with kids know how hard being a mother is-it really is a job. Imagine what the GNP would be like if we could somehow add mothers to it.
But a lot of women look at those who stay home like they've sacrificed their souls. But I think they're lucky to be able to do it. Look at most of us who have kids and work. For the most part, women are still expected, consciously or not, to do the majority of the housework, we're the booboo kissers, the grocery shoppers, etc, etc. We also try to do our jobs, be nurturing, be wives, have friends, and possibly, and interest that has nothing to do with our house or family.
Who's really getting the raw deal here? With my ADD, I find it EXTREMELY difficult to "switch" between persona's, and equally difficult to integrate them into eachother. I want to be the person my kids are around all day, (as crazy as I'd become) since they are MY kids, and should be products of me.
In the meantime, I'll dream about making Italian Creme Cakes and having a spotless kitchen...Dreaming is about all I can do.
In certain ways, I wish I could just be a housewife. To take care of a house, and kids, and only do that. Of course, it would be because I want to, but there's something so appealing about staying home and everything being in order, instead of the crumb covered chaos that is currently in vogue in my house.
And so of course, I feel oddly conflicted since I start thinking about how I relate to feminism, and how I'm on some way betraying what many women fought for, blah, blah blah, and THEN...I wonder why it's so wrong to WANT to be a housewife.
I understand some of the prior associations are bad, and I in NO way wish to return to a time when women were treated like chattel. But why do we not look at women who choose being a housewife and/or a mother as happy with their chosen vocation? Those of you with kids know how hard being a mother is-it really is a job. Imagine what the GNP would be like if we could somehow add mothers to it.
But a lot of women look at those who stay home like they've sacrificed their souls. But I think they're lucky to be able to do it. Look at most of us who have kids and work. For the most part, women are still expected, consciously or not, to do the majority of the housework, we're the booboo kissers, the grocery shoppers, etc, etc. We also try to do our jobs, be nurturing, be wives, have friends, and possibly, and interest that has nothing to do with our house or family.
Who's really getting the raw deal here? With my ADD, I find it EXTREMELY difficult to "switch" between persona's, and equally difficult to integrate them into eachother. I want to be the person my kids are around all day, (as crazy as I'd become) since they are MY kids, and should be products of me.
In the meantime, I'll dream about making Italian Creme Cakes and having a spotless kitchen...Dreaming is about all I can do.
I think the "stigma" of housewifing/stay-at-home-moming would go away if:
1) you were paid a cash salary for it, and
2) you could have a career as a housewife/SAHM. If your husband ditched you and took his income away, you could show up at a company with a resume and say, "I have X years experience in SAHMing, here are my past performance evaluations, here's my ex-boss as a reference."
I *FEAR* ever being a housewife or SAHM because of the shitty options you are left with if your spouse leaves you. The gap in your career it leaves. I see these middle-aged women who are powerless and moneyless after their husbands leave to shack up with 27 year-old secretaries. I *NEVER* want to be like that. So many families belo the poverty line are those headed by single mothers...
I think part of the stigma is also because housewifing/SAHMing can be a refuge for the uneducated/unemployable. My ex used to talk about the women in the small towns he was stationed in - many of them in their early 20s, a couple of kids, just looking for a man to support them and their rugrats. That seems so *trash* to me. I think everyone should be able to take care of themselves and their responsibilities.
It's harder for a SAHM to walk out on her family than it is for a careerwoman to walk out on her job. In that way, SAHMs can seem "stuck".
Also, we're a society that values money over family (at least in urban areas). No one really sees you as a success if you're a SAHM (that's my perception, anyhow), but if you've got a career, that's entirely different.
Do you think my perceptions are off, here?
Posted by
Anonymous |
1:14 p.m.
I really didn't think of that perspective, and you're right. There is the definate lack of respect in the workforce, which is retarded, since if you can run a household, and toddlers especially, you can handle people at work!
I've also seen the "trash" you mentioned. Those people need to be fixed.
I wish we could change these things.
Posted by
thordora |
4:47 p.m.