Friday, September 30, 2005

Oh it's just so true....

Sometimes. Other times, I'm sweet like pie.... (I can hear you laughing Nat-stop it.)
I am 72% Asshole/Bitch.
Sort of Assholy or Bitchy!
I am abrasive, some people really hate me, but there may be a group of other tight knit assholes and bitches that I can hang out with and get me. Everybody else? Fuck ‘em.

Boycott? What are we, morons?

So suddenly, flight attendants are saying boycott the new movie "Flightplan" since in the movie, a flight attendant colludes with an air marshal to extort a ransom. Apparently, since 9/11, it's critical that "the cabin crew to have the support of their passengers, not the distrust that this movie may engender".

Um, it's a movie, right? If I follow this train of thought, no police officer ever follows the actual law, fat chicks never get any, and Spinal Tap really IS a cool band.

Come on. I know that our "modern" society gets stupider by the minute, and that apparently, you need to legislate common sense to death, but really. When I fly, I am prepared to listen to a flight attendant since they know the job, just like I listen to my dentist. Regardless of how many time I watch "Airplane", I'm not going to act any differently.

Apparently the other attendants treat customers rudely and are unsympathetic to a character they believe to be delusional....hmmmm...

that's the real problem. The rudeness was a bit too close to reality me thinks.

Read the full article here.

Thursday, September 29, 2005


Is anyone else at a loss for blogging lately? I'm just so damn apathetic about the whole thing...

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

The cynic is a passionate person who doesn't want to be disappointed again.

Now, normally I hate books like these. My particular nemesis is that "Who moved my cheese" book. I'm not a child. Don't treat me like one.

Anyway...I requested a couple of books for work thru my boss, and she sent this one as well. It's really cool. The basic thrust is that we should experience the world on our terms, reinventing our expectations, and our needs instead of expecting others to change for us.

It's a hard pill to swallow, but I think it just might be the pill I was waiting for. Anyone else ever had that "pill" moment?

Monday, September 26, 2005

Just because...

I get depressed at my birthday because all I really want is my's a cuteness update.

I'm blah today.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Woo Wee

I'm 28.

Friday, September 23, 2005

Question for Friday

I keep my blog a secret from my family and the Dorf. Some friends know, but since I don't have many friends, it's not a big worry. I don't tell the Dorf since I need at least ONE place he isn't. I've never met someone who asks so many questions about things that don't concern him in my life.....

So tell me, how many of you keep your blogs secret, and why?

Reason 2, 341 I'm glad to have no penis

Since apparently, a penis makes you stupid:

A spider crawls down from the ceiling in front of me as I do dishes. I yelp, and back up until I realize it's just a spider moving back up to the ceiling. The Dorf asks,

"Did that spider crawl out of the dishwater?" and then
"Why are there bugs in the house?"

Apparently, if you have a penis, spiders spin webs UP to the ceiling, and houses, especially old houses like ours, are sterile environments.


To all my coworkers in Texas-BE SAFE. I actually like some of you!

And Karen, I got my birthday card today! WOO HOO!!! THanks! (go visit Karen!)

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Good-Bye Alicia

I wish you had of just run off with a lover, instead of being murdered. You were so young.
I hope whereever you are, is better than here Alicia Ross.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

You know....

few things drive me as fucking catshit as that whole "talk like a pirate" day thing....

I never realized how much I fucking HATE pirates. Except for Jack Sparrow.

News in my world, since I've been both morose and lazy.....
  • Vivian spent her first night in a big girl bed. Since the Dorf and I have spent today patting ourselves on the back, I'm quite sure something will go terribly wrong at some point.
  • We found a VERY awesome chick to sit our kids, who has a boy Vivian can play with. They had a "test run" last week. He dropped something on her toe, she wacked him with a hammer.
  • My evil work compatriot and I are taking Vivian to the ZOO tonight! While I am morally opposed to zoos, she'll love it. I made the mistake of telling Vivian about it this morning-the Dorf called asking for my death since ALL she has done all day is ask about the zoo....
  • Fuckwit on the motorbike has begun again. Operation Mail Out is about to turn into Operation Nasty Anon Letters.
  • I no longer report to the PuffinCunt! WOO HOO!

I'm sure there is more, but this is likely enough.

I want Pizza Hut. My ass is not big enough.

Please comment with post ideas. It's a lazy, beige week, and we've had enough of my childhood tramas for awhile I imagine.

Oh, and go make Herge feel bad...

Monday, September 19, 2005

Tao of Degrassi.

I'm lazy, and this cracked me up.

From the Toronto Star. Written by Jon Filson

As Degrassi hits its 25th anniversary, there's finally enough evidence to crack The Degrassi Code.
Two new books, Kathryn Ellis's fan-friendly Degrassi Generations and the academically inclined Growing Up Degrassi, try to spell out the appeal of the Canadian drama's four incarnations — The Kids of Degrassi Street begat Degrassi Junior High, which begat Degrassi High and, after a 10-year hiatus, Degrassi: The Next Generation.
The Degrassi Story, a documentary hosted by Stefan Brogen (a.k.a. Snake), airing tonight at 7 p.m. on CTV, will shed further light on the success of the series before we're trapped under the spell again when the new season starts Monday.
By now, the show's vivid depiction of teenage joys and sorrows is familiar. But watch enough episodes and you start to see that Degrassi has become a world unto itself, with its own set of laws. It combines elements of the Bible, the story of Hercules, X-Men and Sex With Sue into every episode; it's a show that could teach life lessons to Ghandi.
Here are 25 clues to The Degrassi Code, a glimpse into the reasons why, after so long, the show continues to work so well. (The hard part is limiting the list to 25. There could easily have been another 100.)
Nowhere is the rule of cause and effect applied more rigorously than in the land of Degrassi. It's like the Old Testament set in a Canadian high school. You can't do anything dirty just for fun — you do it due to stress over almost getting shot by a lunatic, who was driven to insanity by bullies, who in turn ... it never ends.
Anyone who does whore around gets gonorrhea in the throat, an abortion, AIDS, cheated on, or a baby. Right, Emma, Manny, Dwayne, Caitlin and Spike?

Degrassi operates under Murphy's Law to the 1,000th power: whatever can go wrong, will go horribly wrong. That means if Wheels drives drunk, he must kill a baby. Not sure how Next Generation will top that: "Oh, did you hear? Spinner just ran over Kevin Smith!"

No one escapes the school without something horrific happening: a broken spine, a date rape, a laxative overdose. ... Bad fortune must be a graduation requirement. As an institution, Degrassi is more frightening than Oz.

Greek mythology encourages action and penance as a path to redemption — as does Degrassi.
Consider the myth of Hercules. Driven into a rage by his step-mom — cause and effect — Hercules kills his wife and children. He then learns a Valuable Life Lesson: Famicide is bad.
In Greek mythology, the implicit lesson always is, "When you screw up, get off your ass." So Hercules performs 12 labours, and afterwards, he can renew his life. Incidentally, Hercules was bisexual, which is the kind of thing Degrassi would use to keep things interesting.
Joey Jeremiah perseveres, and has overcome dyslexia, bullying, going broke, his own infidelity, the death of his wife, baldness ... and he'll get through the latest Caitlin dumping too. He's Degrassi's Hercules.

Dawson's Creek tackled student/teacher sex and friends-with-benefits, The O.C. has experimented with lesbianism, and Beverly Hills 90210 perfected having terrible 35-year-old actors play high school kids.
But only Degrassi has been keepin' it real. Teenagers play teenagers. And nothing that a teenager would do is off limits: when necrophilia becomes hip, Degrassi will be there first.

Napoleon Dynamite is a rambling movie, devoid of plot, with an absence of character development but filled with gargoylesque characters. The only similarity is that Napoleon looks like an older Bartholomew Bond from Kids of Degrassi Street, which kicked off the series in '82.
A quintessential moment in Napoleon Dynamite is when the hero is standing, doing nothing, in front of a row of lockers. A guy walks by, and for no apparent reason, slams him into the wall. This random act would be impossible on Degrassi.

While every young mutant at the X-Men academy has a special power, every young student on Degrassi has a secret shame. This can range from having a gay brother, having a learning disability, failing a grade, taking E and freaking out.... Every new episode reveals new shame.

On Degrassi, no one can be simultaneously good looking, well-balanced and intelligent. On the flip side, no one is obviously unattractive, stupid and mean. Everyone gets two out of three. Eric Lindros is a perfect Degrassi kid: great talent, cut down by concussions.

It's a theatre rule: if you're directing a play, and you put a vase on a table on the stage, you'd better make use of that vase, or everyone is going to wonder, "Why the hell is that vase on the table?" instead of listening to your dialogue. This is why a car on Degrassi will a) break down or b) kill/maim someone. It can never just be used to get chips: Canadian television has no budget for red herrings.

Degrassi is as hard to get out of as Alcatraz, The Truman Show and Snake Pliskin's New York. And it may be hell, but elsewhere is worse.
Consider two characters who tried to flee: Wheels ran away, and ended up getting his blue-jeaned thigh squeezed by a randy man. Not brave enough to experiment with his sexuality, Wheels escaped, surprisingly, without getting oral gonorrhoea. On Next Generation, Craig did a disappearing act after he found out he was bipolar, had acne and his girlfriend thought he was a pain in the ass. (That's overkill — any two of those would have been enough). Then someone beat him up and stole his guitar.
Sometimes characters do leave, but generally it's in the off-season. Stephanie Kaye, who carried Degrassi before Caitlin got hot, actually left for Learning the Ropes, the worst Canadian show ever. Which means the Degrassi as hell theory applies — if you try to get out, you only end up worse off.
Actually, there is one way to truly escape: someone else can pay tenfold for your freedom. Where have you gone, Mr. Raditch? It only took a suicide to get him written off the show (and Rick, too).

Anyone who leaves the show must be replaced by someone hotter of the opposite sex. Dan Woods (aka Mr. Raditch) gets replaced by Melissa DiMarco as Ms Hatzilakos. This year, look for a major female character to depart the show, but a pretty-boy blond to join the cast.

What is Mr. Raditch to Degrassi, if not the equivalent of another loveable tough guy, Law & Order's Lennie Briscoe? Of all the characters, we know the least about Raditch, Woods notes in Degrassi Generations. Adults, no matter how ambiguously interesting, are never the focus.

DiMarco's addition to the cast allows Degrassi to get into a decent teacher/student sex storyline. The show has wimped out a couple of times: Paige and an intern played around on Next Generation, and Lucy almost hooked up with a lecherous learner on Degrassi High. But that's not the same as a willing teacher and a 14-year-old. C'mon, we want DiMarco to go Mary Kay Letourneau on us!

There's a great debate at over what hasn't been covered. Highlights:
Parental suicide: you know, it's the only way Joey Jeremiah could leave the show.
Prostitution and/or teen stripping: it's one thing to do something nasty for bracelets, Emma. But for cold, hard cash?

With most shows, you'd think of the best episodes ever (and there are classics: the school shooting, the abortion episode involving the twins, every second of School's Out). Since Degrassi's stock in trade is teen humiliation, you've got to pick the most painful moment: Joey naked? Dwayne's AIDS confession? Paige's rape? Wheels smooching with a twin? Spinner's reaction to Marco? Rick's got a gun?
The winner is: Arthur's wet dreams! Congrats to everyone involved for making a nation squirm.

No one will ever accuse Degrassi of being glib. So "You were f--king Tessa Campinelli!" from the movie School's Out, which capped the series in '92, takes the cake as the show's greatest line. It's worth noting that The O.C. came up with a gem in "Chrismukkah," and everyone on Dawson's Creek had horrifically large vocabularies. So it's a strange credit to Degrassi's writers that this is the only memorable line from the show. Not counting the immortal lyrics of the Zit Remedy's smash hit, that is.

Although Caitlin often gets the credit for the f-bomb, it was Snake who uttered the word for the first time on Canadian network TV, setting up her famous screech. Snake? I would have put money on Mr. Dressup too.

A lot of people want to beat up on Next Generation because the actors are prettier and it has better production values than a family vacation film. Only in Canada do we want TV to look crappier. But it's the healing powers of the new show that are its major flaw. If Kurt Cobain had just accepted that he was bipolar, maybe things would have turned out differently, Ellie tells Craig. Only Degrassi could get away with a line like that. Girls get pregnant, abortions, raped, and turn out fine. It's a twist on Degrassi as hell: each week you forget what happened, so you can be punished again. Sisyphus would approve.

It's a game if you live in the GTA: how many Degrassi actors have you seen? Everyone I know in T.O. has a story about meeting Joey/Lucy/BLT/Emma/Ellie/Toby and squealing, "Hey, you're on Degrassi!" only to have the actor wisely run away.

There was once even a great site — it got a lot of press a few years ago — in which civilians emailed, revealing where they saw a cast member in the GTA. (Sadly, it's been down for more than a year.)

The only character who wasn't updated on that fan site was Melanie. That's because the actress who played her, Sara Ballingall, was stalked by a crazed Australian. I know: it sounds like an episode.

AJ's Degrassi Universe at is worth a look (sadly, it only deals with the first generation). The "Erotic twins" page is worth it in itself, as are the web designer's rantings that Pat Mastroianni hasn't paid him for helping out with his own site,

Each year, the pressure to up the ante increases. This season, two of the three below are going to happen. Spot the fake:
Yet another student pulls a Spike and gets pregnant.
There's some hot, barely illegal lesbian action.
Sarah Polley guests stars in a very special episode about incest.

You might be surprised that the show's biggest star is not Joey. No, it's got to be Rachel Blanchard, who played Melanie Schlegel — who comes up with these names? — on Kids of Degrassi Street. Although best recalled as "Tif" in Road Trip, you can see her in Atom Egoyan's new movie, Where the Truth Lies, screening at the Toronto film festival, in which she orders a double sausage sandwich with Kevin Bacon and Colin Firth.
Worth mentioning: Neve Campbell never got a name, but was a wallflower in a few episodes.

Look for the group of actors on Next Generation to do a lot better than the earlier casts: the current lot were all actors before coming to Degrassi, not "discovered" in Toronto high schools and pressed into duty, like the original cast.
Many will continue to be actors after it ends. So enjoy Degrassi now — here's betting Emma et al. won't be back to play teacher when it's time for the third incarnation to roll around.
But in another 25 years, will Degrassi still be with us? Absolutely. Its impish, honest spirit has become ingrained. The show has been an ambassador for Canada around the world, shaped multiple generations of teens and twentysomethings, and taught us countless valuable life lessons.

May oral gonorrhea spare us all.

Friday, September 16, 2005


Today's post at Female of the Species got me to thinking about my birthday.

I'm a wee bit ambivalent about my birthday.

I don't care about age-I never have. Since my mother died, I've felt 40, so I never worry about age or numbers. We age, big deal. I've never been some pretty young thing either, so it's not like I mourn the passing of my ass or anything.

I'm torn about the whole thing. Half of me wants a HUGE fuss, since I've never EVER, except for one surprise party that my father's girlfriend likely set up when I was 12 or 13, had a big fuss made over me. Hell, I gave birth twice without so much as a flower from the Dorf. I want cake. I want balloons. I want flowers at work to make the other girls jealous (and please ladies, you fool no one-that is the ONLY reason we want flowers at work). I don't need a lot of money spent, it's the principal of it.

The other half of me is used to my birthday being forgotten or ignored (i actually had to remind my father almost every year of the date). My mother used to make birthday's special, but after that....meh...

So what about the rest of you? What are your expectations for your birthday's?

Thursday, September 15, 2005

LIttle Lamb Lost

Her school holds a contest: "Write about a caring act you did selflessly." It's a catholic school, these things are normal.

She can't think of anything.

Her mother mentions her neighbour. Her heart speeds then drops, she looks away, around, over, everywhere but there. Her mother thinks it's a terribly good idea.

It takes her days to write it. Her teeth clench as she writes about her good "deeds". She leaves out the part about him touching her. She doesn't dare mention the things she tries so desperately to forget.

She feels sick. She wins second place.

They give her a lamb doll as a prize.

Baa Baa black sheep...

She keeps the newspaper clipping to remind herself what hatred is.

Little Lamb

She visits her neighbour often. It's the proper thing to do.

He's a cripple. Or rather "differently abled." His mind still works. He likes to have her around he says she brightens up his day, likes his cat.

Later, when no one is looking, he likes to pull down the blinds. They share cherries.

She can't find the door.

The worst part is, she does what he asks because it seems harmless, she doesn't know how to refuse, she's afraid of what to tell her mother.

He ties knots in the cherry stems.

One day, he asks someone else, his adult helper, to push the button on the camera. Asks her to just slip off her swimsuit. She's still young enough to run around in it all summer.

He gives her presents to insure her allegience. He gives her cherries off his tongue.

That cherry puke scene in "The Witches of Eastwick"? She only wishes she could.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

I tried again and
found that I had lost that special
umph, sacred holy place that
makes us something

we hold it for moments, here and there and
everywhere, we see it in each other's eyes so
momentarily and scarce.

I tried holding it like
butter melting from my fingers it

Form changes, but is never destroyed.
Where have we moved our loves?

Monday, September 12, 2005

Monday in September

I've noticed that with kids you no longer have the separation of the "week" and the "weekend". The days become variations on a theme. The weekends are slower, and I don't have to put a bra on all day, but sometimes I do more work at home than at work. I have trouble remembering what it was like to just "go out" on a Saturday night. Not that I ever really did, since people just bother me, but I kinda miss that, "gee, I'll just get up and go." feeling. You really don't appreciate it at the time you know.....And I realize that in a few years, I'll have it back. The time with kids as helpless, annoying little firestarters is really so damn short.

It's my favorite time of the year right now-FALL is starting! Might have something to do with being born in September, right after the weather turns (2 more weeks-I accept coupons to bookstores and yarn stores!). I love that feeling in the air, when it turns crispy and all I can think of is making giant leaf piles to jump in (ah, the joys of mulch and compost-no need to be neat!)

I just always feel so good at this time of year, likely a holdout to when I was young, and the beginning of school held so much promise. But it's also the memories of doing stuff with my Mom, candy apples, pumpkins, all that good stuff. The warmth of a new wool sweater. The pensive hang of almost winter clouds. Your breath on the air again for the first time....

Saturday, September 10, 2005

There's a girl lost in there.

Watch as she magically drinks herself into a stupor, drags her body into her school, bleary eyed and stinking of someone's Daddy's cheap liquor. You can wash off bile, but can you wash off disgust?

No one does much. A pentient letter to an editor, easy, much too easy for this one. She knows it's lies. She knows her first time won't be her last. She tells stories so the man in knee socks, this sad man in tall socks and short pants might leave her alone, might stop himself from trying. It's depressing to watch them try.

"I will never ever drink again. Alcohol destroys lives. I am 13, and I shouldn't be drinking, and I won't do it again, at least not until I'm 19."

She laughed as she wrote this, quivering as she thought of the bottle if gin left watered in her father's wine rack. She hates gin. She wants more.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Shocking really

I fucked up the template AGAIN......

All links will return once I figure out how to NOT fuck it up.

There's today's favorite for Friday. Favorite was to fuck up your template.

I'm still sick. I'm still whiny. AND there's black mold in our house.

La di fucking da.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

"Call an officer"

What are we to do when even the police cannot cope? How is an entire city to mourn and move on?

This story just really made me sad. Mostly because I wouldn't have been able to do it either. Who's helping the helpers?

I don't pray, but good thoughts to the family. He was doing his job, as any good person would.

I'm sorry Paul Accardo. No one should have to witness what you surely did.

Read the story here:

Why in hell......

does the little tab thingy on my morning coffee never stay down? I end up ripping it off, which then means coffee all over me.......

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

They took her in spring

She watches from the stairs she loved so much, sits upon
cold metal, remembers how the cat had to be hoisted up with a basket while they were building the stairs, half drunk, it's a miracle they didn't weld them selves to the steps.

She doesn't notice the cold. She hears a distinct low moan from her mother's manic, convulsing body, as it throws itself in the air, as her Aunt tries desperately to hold her down, while curdling her blood screaming for her father. No one sees her on the stairs, her father nearly runs her down as he takes the metal steps two at a time, running, which he's never done before, and will never do again.

Time freezes. She can't remember much more of that moment, aside from the sirens, and a burning arm on her shoulders, pulling her away, telling her not to look.

But she looked. She swears she saw her mother's soul that day, shaking her body to remove itself.

It's the last time she'll see her alive without machines.

Vivian is ok. Febrile seizure. I've never been so fucking scared in my entire life. Thank you for your kind wishes, it really helped. Now I'm becoming paranoia mom, which isn't any fun....

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Seize The Day

My daughter has just been taken to the hospital via ambulance, as she just had a seizure.

I didn't think it possible for my heart to stop so suddenly. If something is wrong......I don't know if I can survive that.......

holy fucking crap why does no one tell you about this. Or is it that they tell you, and you don't want to believe?

This is one of those times where I wish I believed in God so I could curse and beg at someone....

Thursday, September 01, 2005

I'm an asscrap.

Really, I am.

My guttural reaction to the Hurricane was a base "jesus, TOLD YOU!" Childish, and wrong. I read a lot about the weather, and I knew what the predictions were for New Orleans, and that area. I sat transfixed watching the TV the day it hit, knowing it would happen, hoping that people had listened to the call to evacuate.

I knew not everyone would. Some couldn't, some wouldn't. At first it looked ok. Now look at it. Armed looters. Rapes, people starving, babies hungry and lord only knows what their mother's are able to feed them. I keep envisioning these young mother desperate to get the breastmilk flowing again, and I wonder if those who do have milk are sharing it with other women's babies. I think of my daughter stuck in that horrible, confusing hot mess and I just can't...I lose all semblance of reality.

I made a terrible comment on another blog, borne of being frustrated with the needless waste, the idiocy of boys running around with guns firing on ambulances, the shortsightedness of multiple governments to help prevent this to some degree. I, and I'm sure many like myself want to help, wonder why your armies aren't able to help in an immediate or valuable way, wonder why these people won't just get up and start walking since anywhere must be better than where they are.

I made a terrible comment because I can't stand the thought of my children, anyone's children, having to watch someone die, needlessly, and then be shoved to the side because there's nothing anyone can do. I made a terrible comment because this type of thing happens all the time all over the world, and yet we never hear about it. We never hear, because we choose not to, or because no one tells the story. I made a terrible comment because sometimes I'm naive and wonder why we can fly to space, but we can't adequately plan, to some level, for a catastrophy.

And hey, maybe I'm also naive to think that perhaps people won't want to rebuild somewhere that is so inherently unsafe. I also don't understand why people continue to rebuild flimsy homes in the middle of tornado country, and have bad roofs where I live considering the amount of snow we get. I don't understand why people aren't more focused on prevention and preparedness. But I also realize how woefully unprepared I truly am. Just like everyone else.

Maybe I'm naive to think that sometimes, when a body of subject matter experts says something shitty will happen, and that changes need to be made, that maybe once, despite the cost, changes will happen. How much have the last few administrations spent on wars?

I feel rotten and sad and helpless and I wonder how I'll ever explain shit like this to my kids. I sit crying because I can imagine losing a parent-then I magnify that to losing everything I know and own. I feel rotten because four days later, people are sitting and starving and dying in a first world country. I feel rotten because some people take this as a chance to play big boy with a gun.

I'm an asscrap. But even asscraps do a bit more reading, and realize they're being asscraps.

Update: Articles like this one REALLY brought home a lot of things to me that I would have never thought of due to my circumstance and life experience. It brings to light many things the common media isn't.

And I'm not a bigger person. I'm just a tiny cog feeling helpless, who doesn't wish to cause more pain. I caused some pain because I had an episode of foot in mouth disease. We need action and planning, not blame and fingerpointing (although I'm still doing some of that, currently at the INACTION of most government down there)

Send help now.

I need to stop reading the reports. Despite what I believe did or did not happen to help prevent what's occuring, it is occuring, and it's terrible. has a list of ways to help. Please check it out.....Me, I want to find a way to start collecting kids stuff here at work and send it down. And suggestions for Canada, let me know...It's not much, but it's something.

More ways to help that I just found. I can call families in Canada if anyone needs...
NOLA website forums

331 Lives

In the midst of all the bickering, we forget that pain isn't exclusive to North America. I remember crying like a broken child this time last year, watching events unfold in Beslan.

Some people are so ruined, that they shoot children. Sometimes, no one knows who the bad guys are that did it.

Take a moment for them too. Another needless waste.

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