Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Saving Grace: State of the Union Drinking Game

Saving Grace: State of the Union Drinking Game

This is awesome. As a friend of mine would say, QUALITY. I may play this tonight, despite being Canadian.

Monday, January 30, 2006

I'm not sorry there's nothing to say.


I work for a company that, along with other things, provides insurance. I currently administrate our customer survey for various things. This means I have the glamourous job of compiling the data, and providing a read out.

This also means that at the end of the month, I end up transcribing customer messages. That's what I'm doing today (while trying to fend off the headache I gave myself playing with perfume at the Bay)

What's really striking me is the amount of people who do not seem to understand what insurance is. I hear multiple people complaining that they need to pay a deductible, that we shouldn't charge them if it's not "techinically" their fault, and that it's terrible that we state the consequences of lying to your insurance company since they pay their fees every month.

I was raised to look at insurance as a fail safe. You do NOT want to use it, and if you need it, it's likely your fault somehow, and aren't you lucky to have it to fall back on. People sit there bitching that they could save their fees, and purchase whatever it is that has the problem.

Riiiggghhhhttt. If you could do that, you would. But you can't, can you?

I'm struck by the absolute dislike of taking ANY personal responsibility. We make you feel uncomfortable stating that, gee, LYING in some cases is a crime. I didn't realize we were here to give you warm fuzzies. Oh, you didn't know that if you did this certain thing, it just might HURT your item? I'm so sorry. Do we need a nap while were at it?

I seem to recall as a child knowing there were two types of people in this world. Smaller kid type people, and bigger, very smart adult type people. The more I look around, the more I come to doubt that this is still the case. We have no rites of passage into adulthood. Idiocy and laziness is rewarded. Acting like an infant, childish humour, these things are all the rage now. How on earth is a kid to feel like a kid, or that growing up is a good thing?

I'm only just now beginning to feel like an adult as the people around me begin to have their kids. I spent most of my twenties wondering when I'd feel like a grown up. It's a rotten feeling, and I think it's manifesting in horrible ways. It explains why people bug me lately. All we have are 40 year old kids, running around forgetting the manners and whining about how life "isn't fair."

In the words of my father when I was a kid:

"Suck it up. It only gets worse."

Friday, January 27, 2006

I caved, to a meme

Fucking Nicole.

Seven Things to DO before I die.
  1. Eat enormous amounts of Assorted Fruit Sours
  2. Finally lose weight WITHOUT the benefit of LSD
  3. Actually officially publish. Those fake contests and/or university "zines" don't really count
  4. Learn German to translate Rilke on my own
  5. Develop a dislike for greasy pizza
  6. Become Prime Minister and remove taxes on all feminine hygiene products
  7. Learn to Fly

Seven Things I Cannot DO

  1. Drive
  2. Not use the word "FUCK" at least three times a hour
  3. TRULY hate a person (BELIEVE ME, I've tried)
  4. Put my legs behind my head (again, I've tried). Most of the Kama Sutra falls i\under this actually.
  5. Wear a watch. I stops em. it's magic!
  6. Be nice to cuntwhores. You know who you are.
  7. Accessorize.

Seven Things that attract me to Blogging

  1. Lack of real friends. Here I can be COOL. (riigghhhttt)
  2. I always keep journals
  3. I'm JUST THIS MUCH narcissistic
  4. I like other people from this distance
  5. Fills up the time between getting to work and DOING work.
  6. It confuses most of the peole I know if I say "Blog"
  7. I can be my asshole self, and NO ONE CARES! BWAHAHA!

Seven Things I Say Most Often

  1. Dude. (Sorry Nicole, sadly, I do this as well)
  2. N-O means Nu-uh. (River's Edge people...)
  3. Why don't you try that and get back to me?
  4. Fucktard
  5. While we're at it, can I have a pony too?
  6. Ummm, yeah, anyway....

Seven Books I Have Loved

  1. Good Omens
  2. Lilith's Brood
  3. Atlas Shrugged
  4. The Fountainhead
  5. Elizabeth The Queen
  6. Cosmos
  7. The Belgariad (I know, it's a series...)

Seven Movies I have a sick fetish for

  1. Heathers
  2. L.A Confidential
  3. Usual Suspects
  4. 28 Days Later
  5. Say Anything
  6. Grosse Pointe Blank
  7. Vanity Fair (w/Reese Whithershego whatever. I know,WEIRD)

Seven Suckers

  1. Carin (sorry-I AM curious)
  2. Owl

That's it. Anyone else, can do it as they see fit. I always feel like it's a bloody popularity contest to get people to do these, so fuck it.

on this melancoly night, there's a star that stands alone...

I hate being this sad.

I'm cycling thru hypersensitivity, which means I cry at everything. I am incredibly saddened by everything, and the world seems to turn against me by constantly throwing things about beaten,abused children and dead mothers in my face.

Don't be silly. I KNOW that I'm just noticing it more than I normally would. Come on, give me SOME credit.

The scary part is that it gets so bad, that I momentarily feel this DRIVING urge to get up, and kill myself. That blase, and over in the next minute. It's like the cravings for cigarettes I still get, 1.5years later. Sudden, and scary in their demands.

My shrink tells me she doesn't think I'm going mad. I beg to differ. Yesterday, I swore I heard voices in the food court where I get my lunch. And no, it wasn't crowd noise. This was different.

Imagine that the conversation(s) are on one level, and above that, there are whispers. If you've ever recorded music, think in terms of tracks. It was like that, except I couldn't make out the words, and no one else could hear it.

If that's not mad, nothing is.

But what scares me is this sadness-today, when talking to my shrink, I could visualize myself teetering on the prepice of this big black hole which is my sadness. I had to pull myself back, but the lure of that hole. It seemed so comfortable right then.

I also know that a lot of it was the urge to let go, drop my guard, and just really cry with someone. Because I can't. I've never attached myself to anyone I could just BE around. And that's hard.

Don't worry. I'm not THAT sad. Tomorrow is another day.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

In Dreams

"Sometimes there's no poison, like a dream." Belly
I had the weirdest dream last night, and for me, that's saying a LOT. With almost certain regularity, I dream of death, dying, killing, etc, etc, etc. Most of these dreams I can shrug off. Ones where say, I have to watch my child freeze to death and I can do nothing, little more difficult.

Last night I dreampt I was on a university campus, walking home. I sit down on a picnic table-it's dark at night, but this is something I would do. I'm not terribly small or afraid of anything, really. I used to always sit in weird places at night.

2 guys come up to me, and begin showing me the stamen of a flower, telling me that all things come from this, originate in it's tip, in it's pollen, that we can create anything from it, paper, plastic, you name it. At first I don't feel threatened in anyway, just profoundly interested.

Suddenly it begins to feel dark. I go to leave. They won't let me. The one guy is big,bulky and rather stupid seeming. The other is about my size, compact, but full of threat. They tell me I can't go. From this begins this weird dance of me trying to escape, and them holding this implied threat over my head. If I can successfully escape, something very bad will happen.

I show baby pictures of a friends baby, and keep telling them I need to leave. I keep trying to leave, when suddenly, the bigger one tries to beat me, but somehow it doesn't hurt me in anyway. He gives up and leaves. I'm left with the smaller one who somehow, scares me even more. He begins punching me, but this time, I punch back. I can feel the punches on my face, and finally, I just sit back stunned. I can't move, and I feel glazed. I feel him standing over me, and I wake up.

I really wonder how much of the dreams I have are linked into whatever is wrong with my brain. For anyone who is bipolar-do you have periods of VERY vivid dreams like this? After a few days of this, I'm exhausted and frightened, not to mention really depressed. I feel like different people are trying to escape my brain at night, and I end up in a funk all day, wondering why it feels so bloody real.

It's a terrible feeling to know that something is wrong, and not know what. I was originally diagnosed with ADD, now it looks more like bipolar, but I won't even get in to the diagnostician until July or something. I know that the two are easy disorders to confuse but crap...this sucks balls. My brain hurts, I'm sad and depressed half the time, and wingy and annoying the other half, sometimes I cycle in months, other times in weeks.....

I hate my dreams. I wish I dreamed like other people, normal concerns. Or not at all.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


At least the NDP got more seats, and can perhaps further the argument for proportional representation. Something is rotten in Denmark for the Bloc to have 51 seats with 10% of the popular vote, while NDP only have 29 seats with 17%.

I ended up voting NDP since Steve had a point a few posts back about Layton actually being effective, and because my Green Party candidate was well, unseen and unheard. Not that it mattered-the Liberal scumbag won anyway. The Dorf voted for him-I asked him how it felt to vote for someone who actually won.

I am thankfully that it's a Minority government, and that Harper will be well constrained. I give it 20 months until the next election. I sure Harper will fuck something up badly by then.


Monday, January 23, 2006


If a party recieves 2% of the vote, they are then entitled to $1.75 a vote for funding. If you don't vote, that money just goes to whomever wins, which looks like the Tories at this point. Nice huh?

So get OFF your butt and get to your polling station!

Girls, remember that our ancestors FOUGHT for this right. Why sit there and not use your voice?

Sunday, January 22, 2006

I hate voting.

We vote on Monday. Voting is not for those of us who are naturally predisposed to fence sitting.

I've thought, I've argued, I've pontificated. I've pondered.

I'm no closer to a decision. And I'm even more worried than normal since the idiot voters of this country seem to think a Conservative win is GOOD for us. the polls show them winning.

Think Pat Robertson. Crossed with Satan. Harper has ALWAYS frightened me, as he does most women I've talked to. That whole "Date Rapist" thing.

I'm not voting Liberal, because, well, they're Liberals, I've never voted Liberal, and I've always found them to be cheating jerkoffs, like adulterous spouses or something.

NDP. HAHAHAHAHAHA. You KNOW it's bad when your platform is "Vote NDP-you have a third option!" I haven't the faintest idea what their actual platform is, but I'm sure it's the usual, "throw money and hope it goes away" story.

Green Party. My likely choice, more out of elimination than anything. I think our local representative is ineffective, and as a party, the Greens are still "green" and aren't in a position to be a good government, but I agree with many aspect of their platform, and it's the choice that doesn't give me diarhhea.

Labour: Not a clue. Saw the guy talk on the debate. Sounded a little uniony for me.

And sadly, no communist party candidates.

I am very much a proponant of getting out to exercise your voice on Monday, since you can't bitch if you don't vote. However, I do also recognize that with each election, it seems more and more futile.

What's a girl to do....

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Does this make any sense?

Apparently, fraud deserves more punishment than say, rape or child abuse. How many times do we read or hear about someone abusing their child getting 6 months probation.

Apparently, a real jail sentance requires putting a severed finger in food.

Anna Ayala got nine years. Her husband, Jaime, over 12 years. Apparently, a senior VP at Wendy's asked the judge to "send a message that consumer fraud is a serious crime that demands a severe penalty.

So they've been used to set an example. I see. We don't want anyone trying THAT trick again. Oh, and they've been ordered to pay 21 million in restitution to Wendy's.

Remember that poor little girl that police all over the world were looking for due to the disgusting pornography they found on the internet? Her "father", Matthew Mancuso, received 15 years on federal pornography charges prior to the charges regarding raping his daughter. Apparently, attempting to defraud a company is almost as serious as child porn.

What's wrong with this picture?

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

from within a shelter comes a forest comes a
time to stand within ourselves.

we envelop in silence, in silver in
slivers of something not quite heard or motioned to,
nodding heads and minutes wasting away and all

shall we wash our hands of it?

We can pretend we are not moved. We can
remain unmoved as
metal pierces the heart of
a child barely dead.

We can cry false hysteric heroics
unto ourselves
"We are free!"

How far can we fall? The lesions of
darkened lots where we
stand and wait for deliverance, will
they fail us?

Monday, January 16, 2006

So Poppi says "vivian is a bonehead!"

We tell Vivian "Poppi is a bonehead! Go tell him!"

She repeats it a few times, the runs upstairs, and CLEARLY enunciates:


My god, I haven't laughed that hard in months...

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Dear Neighbour.

Thank you ever so much for waking me up last night. I really hadn't been enjoying the first good night of rest I've had for awhile, especially after being up all night the previous evening with a screaming toddler. I really didn't go to bed early to try and catch up on my sleep or anything, really. I wanted to be woken from a dead sleep listening to you ever so slowly blowing the snow from the corners of your driveway. I understand that what you snowblowed the other night cannot possibly be big enough for your gigantic "minivan", let alone your head.

I appreciate this loud, obnoxious noise at 10:30pm on a Tuesday night as much as I appreciate you and your lovely wife not believing our children are good enough to interact with your children. I mean, really, we wouldn't want children playing together now would we. I can see however, how us not letting our children have TV's and X-Boxes in their bedrooms would put a bit of a damper on the relationship. We simply enjoy interacting with our children too much, and so, we see the potential for conflict.

And on the topic of children, have I mentioned how I truly adore it when my eldest daughter begins having nightmares from the sound of your truly outstanding gas snowblower? I mean, there aren't enough purely irritating car noises on any given night, what with the pimped up Honda Civics that speed down the road. What is a neighbourhood at night without 30 minutes of gas motor. Hey! Why not get yourself a giant Diesel truck and run that too! Then she can have night terrors just like last year when you were outside every night! But then, if I spent $2000 on a machine to clear a driveway because I'm to lazy to do it myself, then I guess I'd run it all the time too.

And I guess that your toddler must be use to obnoxious noise with blatant disregard for those around the area, since you obviously didn't think it would bother her. You must be so proud to be such an upstanding, considerate person!

Please enjoy this small token of my affection, and remember to stamp FIRMLY with your foot, or the flaming dog poop just might keep on flaming up those lovely Land's End pants.


Monday, January 09, 2006

What Type of Villain are You?


Nice things on Mondays

I'm trying this new thing in my life called "BEING POSITIVE" This may or may not work since being an arsehole is SOOOO much more fun. BUT, since I'd like people to be nicer, I need to start with me, right?

So do something nice today. Bastards. (I mean YOU Owl...)

Idea courtesy of Happy News and Do One Nice Thing.

Why does it feel so boring to be nice? That seems silly...

Thursday, January 05, 2006

All feminism got me is a sore back.

So I'm shovelling the driveway out the other day and it occurs to me.

Isn't this a MAN'S job?

I'm sitting there, digging out the driveway, about to move to the walkway, and I look in the window. My husband is reclined on the Lazyboy, watching TV. I'm sweating like a pig, and managed to fall down RIGHT when someone drove by. They were kind enough to honk. I think about my life. I make more money. I birthed the children. I am mostly responsible for their education and "fun". I make sure they are clothed, and loosely set a menu for them. I do the laundry, and most of the cleaning. I do the shopping.

The Dorf does the odd load of dishes, works part time and watches the kid during the week.

Shortly after falling flat on my ass I started thinking....


I'm supposed to be part of this modern generation of women who can "HAVE IT ALL" All I have is a chronic lack of sleep, no real hobbies and a disconnect from some of the things that made me "me". (Don't get me wrong-I do dig my life) I was supposed to have this wonderfully egalitarian relationship, with everything 50/50. I thought we'd have wonderful, enriching adventures together. We'd pick out paint colors for the kitchen, take long walks with our kids.

Pick yourself off the floor girls. And stop laughing so hard. I mean it.

Think of all the WORK we do day in and day out. I never stop from 6am to 10pm. On top of my job, I have all my home duties. Somewhere in there, a trip to Zellers by myself is sweet alone time. Where did we go wrong? Am I wrong to want to merely be a housewife? To want someone to pay the bills and let me take care of the house and kids? Am I betraying my previous feminists by not wanting all of this?

I enjoy my freedoms I REALLY do, but do we actually have anymore if along with a job we STILL have all the housewife duties? How many of you actually get to come home and sit on your duff like most of our husbands?

And what exactly am I showing my kids?

Tuesday, January 03, 2006


First off, please read this post at The Martian Anthropologist. I think it adequately documents how I want to move my life this year.

I was thinking about resolutions a lot the past few days. I don't usually make them, since I fervently believe that change is made conciously at any time. Telling people won't make it happen.

I also know that I will be trying each and everyday this year to
  • Lose a little baby weight. This requires total changes to my lifestyle and habits. I know I can do it, so I will.
  • Be a better person. I say this one every year. So this time, I'm going to remember every day. Be the person I would want to meet.
  • Teach my children well. Every day. EVERY DAY.

Other than that, I don't "resolve" to do anything. I WILL change my life. I will make it what I want. So I don't LOVE my house. But I like it, and in the middle of July, it feels like I live in the middle of paradise when I look out my back door. So I have a piece of what I want.

Slowly, like the Martian, I develop my world. I wonder what things would be like if we all did?

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