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I'm doing it.

Well. Today I am making an appointment for a Tubal Ligation.

I'm not sure how I feel about this.

I want more kids, for some bizarre messed up, likely smelly reason, I want more. But, more kids would kill me. I fully understand what happened to Andrea Yates, because my PPD was a hundred times worse with my second, and my third would likely not survive. Add to that the hemorrage likely to occur, as usual, after birth, and I don't think I could hack it. Sadly, the first 6 months of my childrens lives are not happy ones.

So we talked it over. I do not trust myself to not become pregant again, and have some hormonal issues that are only worsened by the Pill. I don't trust getting him done, so I will do this. It's a big step-it's so FINAL. I can't change my mind. I can't go back and change things.

It's really strange for me, to have this serious internal dialogue about the tubal in my head. I've never wanted kids, I'm not very maternal, and I don't particularily like kids. But I've changed since having them. We've discussed how if we are ever in a financial position, we will adopt more children, toddlers, the ones who don't always get adopted. Honestly, I always figured that was what I would do if I wanted kids ever.

So today is the day. I also want my hormones checked, since I have gained a TON of weight in the last 2 months, and my feet are so bad I can barely walk. Something is wrong, but try telling my doctors that. Lord knows I'd never know what's going on in my own body would I.

The only thing I'm worried about is something I read about called "Post-Tubal Syndrome". I don't know-anyone ever have this?

I've never heard of it but I believe it exists. I'd just call it "second thoughts."

I had one in December when my son was bor. I went back & forth too. What if I wanted another child? That's was my only reason not to.

It cames down to one "what if" versus a lot of truths (some of which were health reasons, like yours). I think you're using your head (versus your heart) by having one. I think you're doing the right thing based just on this post.

At a certain point, I just said, "I'm done with the 'having kids' part of life. I want to move on to 'raising kids.'" Maybe that's a way to look at it.

:)

Wow, Dor. That IS a lot to think about. But I'm with Eden -- I think you're making the right decision since your health is potentially at stake.

You're my hero no matter what. ;)

*HUGS*

You might want to check the childfree communities for more information on life post tubal. In the cf community, having a tubal/essure is kind of like having a baby, people like to post their stories and updates.

I've been trying to convince my doctor to let me have essure, but I'm running up against the under 35 and less than 3 kids rule that seems to be pretty much standard. This from the same doctor who has told me not to get pregnant again because it could potentially kill me or the new kid and will most likely involve an even longer NICU stay. I got pregnant while on the pill (yay for double ovulation), and it scares me that it will happen again.

I think it's better to be a healthy mom for the kids you have, than worry about bringing new ones into the world if puts your health at risk. And like you mentioned, adoption is a great alternative if getting pregnant is likely to harm you.

that's good advice...

I'm also going to do this thing where they "burn" out the uterine lining-I have had the WORST periods since my second birth, and they SUCK. We're talking double pad, giant tampon, STILL leaks suckage.

So hopefully that helps. Although if I hear the words 'Scraping the uterus" one more time.....

Oh, the ablation? Water ablation is the one I see mentioned most often in the cf communities. That really does suck about having to do all of that and still have leaks. From what I remember of it being discussed, I think you have one more bad period that sounds a lot like the bleeding you have after giving birth, and then you're down to like 1-3 days of light flow from then on out.

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