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Fade into Me

I wanted to wrap her pain up into a ball and swallow it today.

We watched Lio & Stitch this morning, which we've seen before. I tend to forget about certain parts which are, well, sad.

She was sitting on the edge of the couch, and I was reading or something, when I noticed she was very very quiet.

"Viv? Are you ok?"

She comes flying into my arms, all sobs and heaving breaths and snot and that aching sound of SAD coming from her.

I lost it immediately, wanting so badly to stop her from hurting. I kept telling her "it's ok-I will NEVER leave her, I will always be there for her, we love her"

And she kept crying. Not the whining croc tears of a toddler, but the horrible wracking cries of a heart broken.

She was fine a little while later.

Me? Not so fine. I want so badly to protect her, to be what my mother couldn't be, to hold her and tell her and MEAN IT, that everything will be fine, I will never leave her, I love her, and I don't ever, ever want to let her go. I want everything my mother wanted and more, because I don't have my mother.

I'll be downstairs crying later, if anyone needs me.

Uh huh. You should've been around our house when Spongebob and Patrick dried up in THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS MOVIE. Or when the "Where's Gary?" episode runs. Four children, ages 3 to 9, all wailing their fool heads off. It sounds like the end of Creation.

With us it was Bambi. Generations of kids wept through that one.

Remind me never to watch THAT movie unless I need a good cry!

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