Girls are Icky
So I'm checking my site meter as a matter of course as the girls play "sleepover" shortly before bed. I check it every day or so since I occasionally find interesting sites, and I like to know what's generated traffic, and what squicky things people are googling that end up on my site, aside from the usual.
So to look today, and find what I found made me, once again, sick of my gender.
Someone who I have contact with through the "blogworld" apparently had some sort of spat with a group of "women". I don't know the real details, and frankly, I don't want to know. My life is full of enough bullshit and stupidity in reality thanks. But shit happens, and I realize that.
Stumbling upon a message board devoted to basically picking on someone in order to feel good is one of the more nauseating things I've found in a long time. I'm used to people using one or two posts to vent their rage, and get over it. It's what adults do. I'm not used to people googling someone's name in order to find them, and again go after them. Although I should be-I'm a woman, and I went through this type of behaviour-In grade EIGHT.
Is this acceptable? As women, are we ok with this? Don't get me wrong, I have my moments with some women, but they are generally kept to either myself, or to one person. Not online, not in a context that is meant to be read, is meant to act as fodder for feeding some type of fire built of bruised ego's and feelings.
Maybe being raised predominately by a man has colored my sight-I was taught that if you're mad, you tell the person, and move on from there. You don't act like a child, using the proverbial "nah-nah" to make them feel worse. And if they are the person who wronged you, attempt to fix it, and if all else fails, again, get the fuck over it.
Spending time, and energy on someone you don't actually like has always seemed counterproductive to me, because if I don't like someone, the cease to exist in my eyes, period. Which would seem to me to be the bigger insult. Acting like little girls giggling, passing notes in the back of math class? Aren't we past that sort of thing by now? Don't we have better things to do with our time, like perhaps, supporting other women instead of devoting entire message board threads to basically making someone out to be a piece of shit?
I'm not going to link to it because I'm that disgusted. It was quite literally the most revolting thing I've seen all week (and considering I watched Vivian eating lipgloss today, that's a feat). I don't care who's right or wrong-what possible good does acting infantile about any situation do?
There's a quote by Gandhi stating 'Be the change you want." If women continue to act this way towards each other, change will only come at the point of a gun, if at all.
I wish I could be disappointed. But sadly, this is exactly why I shy away from befriending women. Because it always ends the same, and they never, ever seem to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them either.
So to look today, and find what I found made me, once again, sick of my gender.
Someone who I have contact with through the "blogworld" apparently had some sort of spat with a group of "women". I don't know the real details, and frankly, I don't want to know. My life is full of enough bullshit and stupidity in reality thanks. But shit happens, and I realize that.
Stumbling upon a message board devoted to basically picking on someone in order to feel good is one of the more nauseating things I've found in a long time. I'm used to people using one or two posts to vent their rage, and get over it. It's what adults do. I'm not used to people googling someone's name in order to find them, and again go after them. Although I should be-I'm a woman, and I went through this type of behaviour-In grade EIGHT.
Is this acceptable? As women, are we ok with this? Don't get me wrong, I have my moments with some women, but they are generally kept to either myself, or to one person. Not online, not in a context that is meant to be read, is meant to act as fodder for feeding some type of fire built of bruised ego's and feelings.
Maybe being raised predominately by a man has colored my sight-I was taught that if you're mad, you tell the person, and move on from there. You don't act like a child, using the proverbial "nah-nah" to make them feel worse. And if they are the person who wronged you, attempt to fix it, and if all else fails, again, get the fuck over it.
Spending time, and energy on someone you don't actually like has always seemed counterproductive to me, because if I don't like someone, the cease to exist in my eyes, period. Which would seem to me to be the bigger insult. Acting like little girls giggling, passing notes in the back of math class? Aren't we past that sort of thing by now? Don't we have better things to do with our time, like perhaps, supporting other women instead of devoting entire message board threads to basically making someone out to be a piece of shit?
I'm not going to link to it because I'm that disgusted. It was quite literally the most revolting thing I've seen all week (and considering I watched Vivian eating lipgloss today, that's a feat). I don't care who's right or wrong-what possible good does acting infantile about any situation do?
There's a quote by Gandhi stating 'Be the change you want." If women continue to act this way towards each other, change will only come at the point of a gun, if at all.
I wish I could be disappointed. But sadly, this is exactly why I shy away from befriending women. Because it always ends the same, and they never, ever seem to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them either.
Thats why I started blogging. I realized that I was part of that catty shit, and it was grossing me out. Of course the way I went about it alienated 100 women whom I thought were friends, it was a hard way to discover that they were not in fact friends and I had wasted 2 years of my life with these people. Yeah, message boards really suck.
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:58 p.m.
I used to watch my friend with her back and forth on message boards and swore I'd never do it.
I don't but I thought a blog was the same thing. It's not at all.
I'm with you. If I don't like someone, I just go away (unless I'm truly pissed which takes a lot).
Posted by
Granny |
4:33 a.m.
This made me think of people who hate certain bloggers. Dooce is a good example. Last time I saw, her comments were either from lovers or haters, no one in between. I understand her sycophants and their desire to comment. Why do people bother with it if they hate her? Why do they bother to e-mail and, moreover, why does she devote time & space to replying to those e-mails? I think the replies are supposed to be funny but they always came across to me as being as puerile as the e-mails themselves. If you don't like her (or whatever blogger or website), just don't read it.
I think it goes back to the Girl Culture you allude to here. We're not taught how to cope, we're discouraged from confrontation, etc. I know my mother made a real effort to teach me to be passive-aggressive when dealing with people and being direct, saying things like "that made me angry" has been a struggle.
Posted by
Stephanie |
5:16 p.m.
Eden, that's exactly it. I don't hate Dooce, or many of the "cool kids", but I don't read their site and then send hate mail. What's the freaking point? I don't dig it. I don't like Celine Dion either, but I don't go to her concert and sit in the front room screaming 'You suck goats Celine!"
Although given the chance, I likely would. :P
The web has made it easier for "girls to be girls"-a woman stands up, says, meh, I don't dig so and so, and leaves it at that. You can be a hater. Just don't be so bloody juvenile about it.
As an aside, when I returned to said message board, they had disabled my account and blocked new users. So it's obvious that not only are they wanting to continue to act like children, they don't want anyone to see them do it.
Classic "girl" behaviour. LAME-O.
Anyway...that's enough about them. I know I could be a better person, since when it comes to people who annoy me, I cannot stop bitching about them, but I try to curb the instinct.
Posted by
thordora |
5:47 p.m.
"But sadly, this is exactly why I shy away from befriending women. Because it always ends the same, and they never, ever seem to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them either."
Sheesh, Thor. That's a bit harsh. Maybe some women are socialized to act that way, but none of my friends would.
I know who's got my back.
Posted by
Missy |
9:47 a.m.
Missy, quite frankly, I generally don't trust women. I have never understood the motivation behind some of the behaviours that they display, and having been at the mercy of those in the past, I don't like them.
Of course it's harsh. But it's directed mostly at women who AREN'T real women. There are people who I like, and almost trust, but at the end of the day, I get sick of the shit many women are socialized to do. The type of behaviour I'm talking about here is why I will likely never trust women 100%.
I know it's harsh, and sad, but I never trust that ANY woman has my back.
Posted by
thordora |
10:55 a.m.
Um...Sorry Thor. I'm boggled that they've taken it this far. And sad for them.
They really are those girls from high school. And apparently, they're ok with that. Which is so, so sad.
And Missy, she's really not being harsh. Because these "women" she's talking about? They were the women who supposedly had my back.
Posted by
Anonymous |
11:21 a.m.