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Where my love lies waiting silently for me..

This morning we ventured out to Shoppers for a few items, including new books for the girls, since Mom, a literacy fan, can rarely, if ever, say no to that particular request. We're there browsing as the woman stocking the publications area starts commenting on my girls, how good they are, how sweet and lovely they are.

She tells me she has a 21 year old and...

you know the rest. She cannot believe where the time has gone. Yesterday he was just a babe in arms, and now, he's off, and gone, and she will not, she never can have those moments gone.

For this reason, we have elected to make less money, and spend less money by being home with our children. We've been so lucky to watch them become people over the last 3 years-we can decode their moods and their gibberish and know exactly when to ignore them and when to hug them. Could I say the same if they were in day care 8 hours a day, 5 days a week?

I don't think I could.

Sometimes I worry that I'm not adequately preparing them for school, or life, but not having them in some type of preschool. That's I'm keeping them behind. But then I notice Vivian explaining how things die, and how beautiful the day is, or how Rosalyn is transfixed by the workings of the blocks in front of her, or the gear toy next to her. My girls are not losing out-they're being themselves, they're being children, without any of the rush, or the stress or the illness that would accompany some type of group care. And they are smart-LORD are they smart. I don't know why I worry.

Daily I see people worrying that we don't allow kids to be kids anymore, and I think on some level, we didn't want to have that worry. I have Vivian to myself, without any external influence, for at most, 2 more years.

2 more years before Vivian has to go out, and begin the terrible, wonderful process of becoming. 3 or more for Rosalyn. And that's all I get. Sure, they're still "mine", but my influence lessens, me as the center of their world disappears. And that's hard to handle, and grasp.

Even if we could afford it, I could never put them in daycare, not now. I love them, their blue moods and anger, their giggles, finding Rosalyn in the garbage can, again. I love every wonderous thing that they do, and I almost cannot bear the thought of losing that, of it not being here with me.

We go places, and people tell us 'What happy kids!" Could there be a better compliment?

In my heart, I fear that I will lose those happy girls to the world at large. And I don't want to let them go.

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Yeah, as someone whose husband has been home with the kids from birth and who are now in pre-school and kindergarten, I can say it does ache to watch them start to "become"... but it's a good ache. And if you can spend this time with them, it will be even better.

I have a "friend"* who works 12 hour shifts in the medical field. Her husband also work but his is more 8-4 5 days a week. They use a nanny. Then my "friend" is constantly telling me what I'm doing wrong with my kids and how I'm supposed to do things like her (like how she won't give her daughter whole milk but we do).

I know one day she's going to push me & I'm going to say, "When you're the one who's raising your kids? Then you can give me parenting advice."

I'm not against nannies or daycare providers and I completely understand people who need to use them. But I have a full-time job too -- parenting.

* It's really her husband who's our friend. She chaffes my cheese to no end.

What a lovely description of your family. Well done.

I'm with you. Mine is home with me and I can't imagine having it any other way. We'll think about pre-k next year, but until then it's a few piecemeal classes and LOTS of learning around the house.
I don't worry about her being prepared for school since she so totally wants to learn about everything.
I loved reading this.

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