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Uh...maybe you can't leave after all.

So, I'm sitting here, procrastinating part of my morning away at work. I still have to go grab a coffee, so I spend the time reading my feeds, going thru my links, eating an All-Bran bar which actually tastes good. (I shit you not. I'm officially addicted to the things, and my bowels seem rather happy about that.)

I look at the calender, where I see 4 happy little "OFF" words on my work days this week. The Dorf's bestest friend is/has gotten married, and he's off to the reception this week. (they're getting married in Scotland the bastards, and it's only them and their witnesses since the rest of us are broke. Wait, they have twins, so I don't know how they did it.....)

He even went a got a suit. Fucker. He's never worn a suit for me, but his friend tells him it's a FORMAL affair, and off he goes.

Anyway, I look at the dates and realize I will basically be ALONE with my children for a week and a half. Not a few days. A WEEK AND ONE HALF.

What in the FUCK will I do with them for that long? We don't have a car (on purpose-we're cheap hippies that way) and the transit system here is so bad it's not even funny. Going to the mall is about as amusing as poking myself in the eye with my crochet hooks. We've been to every park within a 30 minute walking radius.

I'm good for my three days a week of my children. I love that I have that. But I am so NOT a housewife it isn't funny. Too long around my kids and I go batty. Simply put, I NEED adults around me, or at least people pretending to be adults. I don't know how I will hack this.

And when I think about it, I know that if I dumped the kids on HIM for this long, he's go batshit. He really would. So I'm getting a little pouty about the entire thing....

On another note, Vivian ratted me out to her Dad this morning as they talked about my birthday present. Vivian starts talking about "Martian Manhunter" and then says

"That's what we got you Daddy!"

followed by

'I'm not supposed to tell you Daddy."

Thanks kid...thanks. So now I have to figure out some OTHER surprise to get for when he comes back (his birthday is at the END of this week). Everything he likes is generally only found on the internet, and I have no Credit Cards. So I dunno. Maybe I'll buy him some porn.

Guys, is porn an acceptable birthday present? If so, what kind?

Oh, it's gonna be a great week isn't it...

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Ah the kid ratting things out thing. At least when I did that, I ruined my own present to my mom. I was so stupid. I said to her, "Everybody in class made the same thing. I can't tell you what I made, but I can tell you what so and so made. A spice rack!" Well, guess there was no surprise from me that Christmas.

Carin
http://vomitcomet.blogspot.com

Porn is the gift that keeps on giving, but I'd let him do the shopping for that if I were you.

I wish I had some tips for keeping a kid entertained for that long, though. Is it too soon to fire up the Xbox?

Carin-I totally did that when I was a kid. I knew my mother really wanted this pair of gloves, so i got them, but I was SOOOO happy at the thought of her liking them that I blurted it out. she thought it was funny.

Crouton-you're kinda right. I wouldn't want someone buying me porn-they'd inevitably get it wrong. On the other hand, I know what he likes so...

I dug up my SNES and Mario 2+3-we might hook that sucker up. I'm old school yo. :P

I'm thinking I would like to have my hubby take off for a week. I'm a stay at home mom and he works out of the house, so we're around each other a bit much. But I've got resources. Babysitters (built in), friends, projects.
THAT'S what you need. A web of support. If you lived in my neighborhood my kids would babysit yours and we could party our asses off down at the lake. Who needs a bar?

HA! You poor woman, Glen goes hunting in November for a week, I'm already starting to get the shakes. Porn is ALWAYS a good option. IN my book anyway. LOL! You could get some lingere to go with it?

Keep an eye out for Nutrigrain Munch 'ems. Holy fuck are they awesome. Or, what about having a friend come over and take some sexay pics of you IN the lingere?

We need to all move to one locale where we can come visit one another, take care of each others kids and go get completely lambasted. *sigh*

I'm laughing. Kelly is on vacation for the next 9 days starting this morning. I'm sitting here doing nothing so I can figure out if I have advanced vascular disease or I'm just exhausted. Four hours into it I just heard her yell, "I'm going back to work."

Have fun. Don't get nervous until you start getting phone calls from the UK asking for previous apartment rental references.

If he wants some comic books, I know where you can score an assload for free. cough.mybasement.cough.cough.

Some are even pornogrpahic.

:)

Porn is indeed in the eye of the beholder, as it were. In my tenure at an adult video store, I had a man try to get a refund on a movie he rented because it didn't have subtitles. And heaven knows one person's Cum Shots 15 is another's complete waste of, you know ;)
I was amazed at how many strong opinions folks had about their smut.
The one thing I never had any trouble selling though was the double ended jelly dildo. If one doesn't want to use it as a sex toy, one can brandish it as a weapon. Tucked inconspicuously in belt loops, any attacker will surely run when the attackee begins to wave it above their head.
God, I miss that job. What were we talking about?

I will be visiting you, I swear. ;) If you'r good, I might visit a few times ;)

As for porn advise... I think guys of all walks of life enjoy girl on girl. But that's just a theory of mine.

I guess porn IS the answer...now if I can figure out how to go buy it since the kids will be with me....hmmmm...Nat? I'm sure Ash won't mind the trip... :P

I always wanted to work at a porn shop just for the stories. We used to frequent this chinese video store in Toronto that had the craziest selection of porn. It was awesome. And the monitor for that room was in FULL view of everyone in the store, which made it funnier to watch guys being so clandestine.

I don't know about the double-ended dildo. If I brought that home, he'd faint. :P

Karrie-your offer of the basement comic books cracked me up, esp since last night he was all worked up about not having enough boxes to organize them. Like he'll EVER read them again.

I'm hoping they'll make a nice contribution to their education some day.

San, thanks for reminding me he might run away. He's staying with his parents, so anything is possible. And I'm with your wife-I'll be asking to go to work in a few days myself...

and we ALL need to have a weekend together to get shitfaced and watch bad golem porn.

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