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Hit me baby one more time.

WARNING! This may venture into TMI territory, but I feel the need to talk about it.

With the ADD comes this real need to control everything. All items in my life are either rigidly controlled, or left to their own devices. It's been like this for as long as I can remember.

Now, I also like very rough..."relations". I'm talking actual hitting, biting, bruising, etc, etc. Not something I really talk about with people, because frankly, I'm rather embarrassed about it. I was in the middle of a screaming match with my husband, thinking about how I actually want him to lay me out and "have his way" so to speak.

As someone who identifies as a feminist, it's a little offputting. And most people don't get the dom/sub thing to begin with. And, as a girl, it just ends up making me feel really conflicted.

But then I began thinking. When I was a kid, I used to have dreams/fantasies/whatever about assembly lines, about rigid structures. Now, I like having a context in which I make NO decisions, have no say, am forced to "perform" so to speak. It's weird, but it's a total release from my daily life. I can relax in this context somehow, and physical pain actually magnifies the effect. After a "session" my head clears, and I'm better.

Which makes me wonder, is this functioning as electro shock for my brain?

It's weird, and makes me more than a little confused about the whole thing, which is why I'm writing about it. But it also makes sense with the ADD, in terms of relenquishing control to someone else. I can only "let go" in a context of having no other choice.

So I'm torn-either this is VERY cheap and effective therapy, or I have very LARGE issues.

What say any one? Am I a TOTAL freak with this one?

At the end of the day it doesn't really bug me. We all like what we like, and as I become older and more confident, I become less and less vanilla. But this one is throwing me for a loop...

Thordora, I fell very much the same way. My issues are a bit different though. I was raised in a household where men were evil and sex was bad. So to overcome that my husband and I do the same thing, where I give over total control to him. It is scary but helps. You are not weird.


Only joking. Sounds perfectly normal to me. Hey, if you enjoy it/ makes you feel better/ relieves the ADD stress - go with it.

What does TMI mean?

Interestingly, from a feminist standpoint, if you are controlling when and how you use this then you are still a fem. It's not like you're saying you should be bashed about or dominated because you're a chick, it's becasue YOU want to have it done.


I forgot friends read this. Heh..I'm sure they enjoyed this post..

I get conflicted on the whole thing, which is bad....

It's weird-even when I lose control, I still have control..

OOH...that's making me want to listen to Malhavoc...

Poems poems poems

I think Herge's point is good. Besides, you are MARRIED consenting adults!

I know...it's still a wee bit odd...not "like to play with poop" odd, but still

someday I'll get over it. Having more than a few hours sleep because of the humidity would help too...

Poems when I remember....The computer at home officially exploded (hey-it was like 5 years old or something) so blogging is currently restricted to work, where I ALSO have a buttload of work lately...

real life sucks balls I swear...

TMI perhaps, but I am into the rough stuff too, so can't say I can judge you any more than I can judge myself. lol I always just considered myself a kinky person. Not strange, not anti feminist, not disturbed. Just plain ol' kinky.

I know! I'm not vanilla, I'm NEOPOLITAN! (did I spell that right?)


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