It Tickles!
So...Vivian has noticed that "tickling" her vulva with things feel good. Not that there's anything wrong with that (well, the rubber ducky might have had words to say if he could, you know, TALK)
So far I've toed the line of "I know, just wait until you're alone." But then I start wondering if I'm not setting herself up for not being totally at ease with her sexuality around future partners-I mean really, look at home many girls won't do it with the lights on, or fake the big O. Obviously, they aren't trusting in themselves much. But she's three, so I worry that too many qualifiers will just confuse the situation. So I fall back on 'I don't care, but it's a private thing for you."
But tonight, she was so enamored of what she had discovered that I couldn't even say that. I could tell by the look on her face that it was like she had just noticed her feet were ticklish, and I'd never tell her to wait until later to play with her feet. She seemed so comfortable with herself at that moment, and I couldn't bear to interrupt that. She'll lose it too soon.
I know that this is a normal mode of development, and that she isn't pleasuring herself sexually-she's just found a new spot that tickles.
But I remember the time when I was in the bath, and I said "It tickles Mommy!"
I don't remember the words, but I remember coming away from that bath thinking "Don't touch it, don't acknowledge it, it's bad."
All of that because it tickled when my mother washed my vulva as a 4 or 5 year old.
Of course, she was none too pleased when I showed her how I "rocked" on my baby doll because it felt good. Baby doll disappeared after that.
My mother's upbringing only served to teach me that my body was "wrong and bad" and that I shouldn't touch it, shouldn't serve the needs of the flesh. It was implied that only "bad girls" did this, and I most certainly was NOT a bad girl.
I'm sure in light of certain events, my mother is rolling in her grave. A LOT.
Obviously, I now know that my mother was a TAD repressed-personally, I blame the nuns that taught her throughout school. But it's also my mother-she was a VERY old school lady. Certain things weren't spoken.
Hell, when I burst out excited that I knew how babies were born, I remember her freezing up. I explained that the lady on the show (Guiding Light?) was screaming and screaming, and then a baby appeared out of her mouth. It made PERFECT sense at the time I recall.
She didn't say much, but a day or so later, a pink book called "A baby is born" or some such nonsense. I remember it was VERY pink. And very detailed in a scientific kind of way. No one said anything, but suddenly I knew what and where everything was. I read it once, and put it down exactly where I found it, and never saw it again.
My mother's upbringing has colored my ability to deal with toddler exploration, but in a good way I think. I don't want to infringe on her discovery, I don't want her to think it's bad in any way. At the same time, I don't know if I'll ever be that mother who takes her daughter to buy her first vibrator. Maybe I will be. But right now, I still retain far more puritain than I'm comfortable with. My mother's conservative, thin lipped "proper" lady is never far from my mind.
There's a whole WACK of virgin/whore complex going on in here...
I guess I'm worried that I'm going to screw them up this way as well. Part of my own reluctance to tell my mother about my sexual abuse was that I didn't want to be blamed for it, and I didn't want my body blamed for it. And I worried she would blame it. I want them to grow into women in control of their sexuality, instead of growing up like many of the girls, yes GIRLS I see masquerading as women today. I want them to know that sexy is who you ARE, not what you shake out. I want them to always remember that they can control who and when they're with someone.
And mostly, I want them to have an orgasm before they turn 18. Because believe me, that is a terrible waste.
So far I've toed the line of "I know, just wait until you're alone." But then I start wondering if I'm not setting herself up for not being totally at ease with her sexuality around future partners-I mean really, look at home many girls won't do it with the lights on, or fake the big O. Obviously, they aren't trusting in themselves much. But she's three, so I worry that too many qualifiers will just confuse the situation. So I fall back on 'I don't care, but it's a private thing for you."
But tonight, she was so enamored of what she had discovered that I couldn't even say that. I could tell by the look on her face that it was like she had just noticed her feet were ticklish, and I'd never tell her to wait until later to play with her feet. She seemed so comfortable with herself at that moment, and I couldn't bear to interrupt that. She'll lose it too soon.
I know that this is a normal mode of development, and that she isn't pleasuring herself sexually-she's just found a new spot that tickles.
But I remember the time when I was in the bath, and I said "It tickles Mommy!"
I don't remember the words, but I remember coming away from that bath thinking "Don't touch it, don't acknowledge it, it's bad."
All of that because it tickled when my mother washed my vulva as a 4 or 5 year old.
Of course, she was none too pleased when I showed her how I "rocked" on my baby doll because it felt good. Baby doll disappeared after that.
My mother's upbringing only served to teach me that my body was "wrong and bad" and that I shouldn't touch it, shouldn't serve the needs of the flesh. It was implied that only "bad girls" did this, and I most certainly was NOT a bad girl.
I'm sure in light of certain events, my mother is rolling in her grave. A LOT.
Obviously, I now know that my mother was a TAD repressed-personally, I blame the nuns that taught her throughout school. But it's also my mother-she was a VERY old school lady. Certain things weren't spoken.
Hell, when I burst out excited that I knew how babies were born, I remember her freezing up. I explained that the lady on the show (Guiding Light?) was screaming and screaming, and then a baby appeared out of her mouth. It made PERFECT sense at the time I recall.
She didn't say much, but a day or so later, a pink book called "A baby is born" or some such nonsense. I remember it was VERY pink. And very detailed in a scientific kind of way. No one said anything, but suddenly I knew what and where everything was. I read it once, and put it down exactly where I found it, and never saw it again.
My mother's upbringing has colored my ability to deal with toddler exploration, but in a good way I think. I don't want to infringe on her discovery, I don't want her to think it's bad in any way. At the same time, I don't know if I'll ever be that mother who takes her daughter to buy her first vibrator. Maybe I will be. But right now, I still retain far more puritain than I'm comfortable with. My mother's conservative, thin lipped "proper" lady is never far from my mind.
There's a whole WACK of virgin/whore complex going on in here...
I guess I'm worried that I'm going to screw them up this way as well. Part of my own reluctance to tell my mother about my sexual abuse was that I didn't want to be blamed for it, and I didn't want my body blamed for it. And I worried she would blame it. I want them to grow into women in control of their sexuality, instead of growing up like many of the girls, yes GIRLS I see masquerading as women today. I want them to know that sexy is who you ARE, not what you shake out. I want them to always remember that they can control who and when they're with someone.
And mostly, I want them to have an orgasm before they turn 18. Because believe me, that is a terrible waste.
I would never have even thought of this situation occurring before I had kids. I honestly don't know if I'll be ready for these types of "Make them or break them" scenarios.
But, for whatever it's worth, I think you handled it just fine. :0
Posted by
Anonymous |
11:24 p.m.
I agree that this is the best thing to do. Children are people not dolls, but we always go out of our way to protect them from real life for so long that none of them ever recover.
Knowledge is power, so knowing about yourself and your body is never a bad thing. The parents who never let their children out of their site are simply setting them up. The more undersatnding children have the better off they will be and the more informed they are , the better they will be able to make smart choices.
Most inhibitions and intimacy problems can be traced back to childhood. Keep up the good work!
Posted by
Anonymous |
3:56 p.m.