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me, through my eyes

I just noticed something the other day.

I'm adopted. So I didn't grow up like most people, seeing myself reflected back in the faces of my parents. In fact, my adoptive parents are so not like me physically it's not even funny. So I had trouble finding any physical similarities in Vivian, especially since she's so much his side of the family, namely his mother's. Then Rosalyn comes along.

The child could truly be called "Mini-Me." It's frightening. Even some of the facial expressions she makes are totally me. Her personality is all me-she's either happy as a pig in shit, or really REALLY mad. But easy to please if you take the time.

And I just thought that for the first time in my lif e, I was having my own face reflected back at me, that this child was undeniably mine. I've met my birth mother, but honestly, I look more like a deceased relative anyway, so it wasn't the same. But to look at Rosalyn and to see the innocent little creature I was once...sometimes it's hard. I remember being so happy. And then I wasn't. This is why I think I'm constantly thinking of my mother a lot. It's easier to put myself in her shoes, think about the choices she made, her wants and wishes for me and my life. But it also hurts to think of my mother holding me at 4am, rocking me to sleep and kissing me goodnight.
It's a mixed bag of emotions really. I just hadn't thought about it before...

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