How ever will they know she's yours?
So I'm a little nutty about certain things, one of which is the name my children will carry as a family name.
I have two cool little girls. When my mother died, I made a kind of pact with myself that if I ever had children, my firstborn would be named in someway after my mother, and my kids would have my last name. One of Vivian's middle names is Dianne, after my mother, and both she and Rosalyn have my last name.
Why? Because MY body created them, MY body delivered them. I have never believed in patrilineal lines of descent, which are only in place because it made it easier to control women, livestock and property. I don see ANY logical reason for my daughters to carry their father's name.
I offered the dreaded hyphen option to him, and he declined, thankfully. Let's just say there is a VERY good reason I did not take the Dorf's last name. But I extended the offer, and also made sure he had no issues with the girls having my last name. (Of course, even if he had, it's doubtful I would have cared, in truth)
My father understood, and since it's his last name, seemed pleased. The Dorf's parents on the other hand....I knew they'd be bothered, they're just that way. And there's a little bit of "we want to be the boss" involved too...And I can understand being a little bit miffed.
But to have my mother-in-law as the Dorf, not me, the following question....
They're in the car when they originally visited when Vivian was born, and then found out she did NOT have their name. So the Dorf is trying to explain it, when she asks...
"But how will people know she's yours?"
Am I the ONLY one finding that question just a wee bit, oh, I don't know, MORONIC? No one EVER asks that of the mother if the child takes the father's name. They just ASSUME, in the same manner that everyone addresses the Dorf as "Mr. Thorn" instead of his name. He told her that people will know because he's her FATHER, and his name in on the birth record.
I don't get it? They're girls, so if they marry, and decide to take their partner's name, they won't "carry" the name on anyway. And why to people always assume that the mother will just give up her name, merely based on "cause that's the way it's always been?"
My kids have my name because they are physically part of me, and lived INSIDE me. And before anyone points it out, I am well aware that without his sperm, they would not be here. But that's the sum total contribution to creating the child that a man provides. Children deserve their mother's name.
I hope that this becomes more accepted soon. I'd like to believe that people will soon stop doing things "just because."
Of course, I'd also like people to stop being jerkoffs so.....
I have two cool little girls. When my mother died, I made a kind of pact with myself that if I ever had children, my firstborn would be named in someway after my mother, and my kids would have my last name. One of Vivian's middle names is Dianne, after my mother, and both she and Rosalyn have my last name.
Why? Because MY body created them, MY body delivered them. I have never believed in patrilineal lines of descent, which are only in place because it made it easier to control women, livestock and property. I don see ANY logical reason for my daughters to carry their father's name.
I offered the dreaded hyphen option to him, and he declined, thankfully. Let's just say there is a VERY good reason I did not take the Dorf's last name. But I extended the offer, and also made sure he had no issues with the girls having my last name. (Of course, even if he had, it's doubtful I would have cared, in truth)
My father understood, and since it's his last name, seemed pleased. The Dorf's parents on the other hand....I knew they'd be bothered, they're just that way. And there's a little bit of "we want to be the boss" involved too...And I can understand being a little bit miffed.
But to have my mother-in-law as the Dorf, not me, the following question....
They're in the car when they originally visited when Vivian was born, and then found out she did NOT have their name. So the Dorf is trying to explain it, when she asks...
"But how will people know she's yours?"
Am I the ONLY one finding that question just a wee bit, oh, I don't know, MORONIC? No one EVER asks that of the mother if the child takes the father's name. They just ASSUME, in the same manner that everyone addresses the Dorf as "Mr. Thorn" instead of his name. He told her that people will know because he's her FATHER, and his name in on the birth record.
I don't get it? They're girls, so if they marry, and decide to take their partner's name, they won't "carry" the name on anyway. And why to people always assume that the mother will just give up her name, merely based on "cause that's the way it's always been?"
My kids have my name because they are physically part of me, and lived INSIDE me. And before anyone points it out, I am well aware that without his sperm, they would not be here. But that's the sum total contribution to creating the child that a man provides. Children deserve their mother's name.
I hope that this becomes more accepted soon. I'd like to believe that people will soon stop doing things "just because."
Of course, I'd also like people to stop being jerkoffs so.....
Great post. My kids have the hyphen option, but our last names work together okay--I know that's not an option for everyone. I had much more trouble with this from my own family, particularly my mom, then from my dh's, who are more progressive generally.
ITA on the 'how will they know he's his' comment. Well, for one, he's not denying the paternity. Sheesh, lighten up already! It's 2005, the kids and wife aren't property to be tagged anymore.
Posted by
Anonymous |
11:33 a.m.
I think a quick solve for this would be to brand your kids or put a collar on them which traces their linieage, just in case.
People get weird about their names. When I was considering changing my name - because it's the most boring name int he universe, my dad got really squirrely about it. Frankly I don't get it. Unless your last name is Cocktostan or Manfrengensen then who cares.
Your in-laws being upset is typical and not unexpected, but they'll just have to live with it.
Of course the easy solve is not to have any kids at all, in which case it never comes up.
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:12 p.m.
I have never understood the wife taking the man's name and then the children taking the man's name either?
Will society ever realize that we are more than our husband's last name?
Posted by
Anonymous |
1:56 p.m.
You rock!
Posted by
Anonymous |
5:25 p.m.
awww.....kelly....you shouldn't have.
It's really sad that I felt like I had stood up for something with this.
I pushed it out of MY CUNT, it gets my name.
I guess now I'll need to name the clots too....hmmmmmm
and Rudicus, I've thought about branding. The Dorf and I have Mobius Strips tattooed as wedding bands (cheaper that rings anyway) so perhaps the kids should have some too....
Posted by
thordora |
9:02 p.m.
I agree I agree!!! And you wouldn't believe the amount of shit I get over this - seriously. Even my most liberal friends think I'm mad because I refuse to allow any future wife to take my name out of a tradition that was created to subjegate women.
Oh no, it 'just tradition' they say. And I say that's fucking so stupid to continue what is essentially sexist because of fucking tradition.
My idea is to either hyphenate - if I am forced to, or - make up a new name out of our two surnames...
Hmm.
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:35 p.m.
Dorf was going to take my name except my father has the same first name and...yeah, ew
we tried combining, or finding something old...didn't work.
Plus, I'm adopted, and the Dorf's father is adopted, so I REALLY didn't see what the big deal was. It's not like the Dorf is using a blood name anyway..
Good for you HERGE!!!!! I never understand people...it's like the "how are you?", "I'm fine" thing-NO ONE CARES how you are-they just ask cause they think they're supposed to. Know what happens if you start telling them about the MASSIVE itch you have under your tits? They get confused because you have ruined the "supposed to".
Fuckers. Stupid toerag, puffincunt fuckers.
You're right. Puffincunt is a cool word.
You're up late Herge...
Posted by
thordora |
9:40 p.m.
Cuntpuffin/ puffincunt. Tis a beautiful thing.
I'm also rather fond of the terms gusset weasel - which I think I made up. Could be wrong though.
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:33 p.m.
Before the advent of DNA testing the only sure way to trace lineage was through the mother. No matter how much the mother said she'd only been with one man or that she knew without a doubt who the father was, the only guarantee of a child's heritage was through the mother.
My son has my maiden last name. I was single when he was born and could have given him his father's last name, but since his father left when I was four months pregnant and didn't want the responsibility I gave my son my name. I'm now married to someone else.
But my son's father came back into his life (ironically one week before my wedding...) and after 2 years asked if we could change my son's last name. HELL NO! What significant contribution did he make to the birth and early stages of that child beyond one night of fun and a bit of fertile sperm?
The mother, even in "modern" culture is more often the one who does all of the work when it comes to children. Sure there are dad's who help out a great deal, but the brunt of responsibility falls to the mother.
So why shouldn't we be able to give our children our names?
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:09 a.m.
[cheers for Thordora]
If I ever have kids I want them to have my family's name, too. If I ever get married I'd be happy if my husband took my name (don't expect him to, though.) I still think I'd like to marry someday... As for kids, I find I want them less and less.
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:31 p.m.
Tell the freaking relatives it won't matter because when they are famous they'll only be going by their first names anyway! LOL!
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:59 p.m.
I totally agree with you! What is even more baffling to me why anyone names kids jr., IIIs or god-forbid IV after a father who does nothing but deposits semen! I blogged abou it to.. check it out.. Juniors and Seconds, Not in MY House!
Posted by
Anonymous |
3:04 p.m.
You know, I wrote a big comment the other night on this, which magically went missing...hmmm
Miss Krys: THAT was funny. I liked yr post.
Liesl: I can mostly count on Vivian being a politician-just hopefully she'll be on the Green Party.
I Will say that it has always struck me as silly that they get that man's name. Especially in your case Psy Chick. OOH, SPERM! can't get that ANYWHERE...AND I'm glad that more and more, people are with me on this....
Posted by
thordora |
5:39 p.m.