Nothin like a goth girl to make you sad......
I was sitting on the bus the other day, watching some kids walk by, when one went walking that looked like I did years ago, scaring all the adults. She looked strong, confident, ready to take over.
Did I ever look like that? I'm sure I did. I'm sure I faced the world with "you and whose army?" most days, had more strength than I believed. I had an entire lifetime ahead of me-I had WORLD to visit, places to conquer, people to be.
And now, I've lost that. I put my 12 holes on and I don't feel that anymore. I don't feel that excitement, that fire for tomorrow, the possibility like I once did.
I talk to my daughters about all the things they will be. I no longer think in terms of what I will be.
It's like for so long you ramble down a road with no end, and you're happy to not see the end, and busy chewing on the unknown when suddenly the bus stops before you're ready and BAm.
You ARE future. Where once you sat staring at books trying to decide what to read again, you now sit wondering how long the diapers will last, and why cod live oil clears up a rash so fast...You wonder how you got so fat without noticing. You wonder where you went.
You wonder if it's possible to will yourself to death.
Did I ever look like that? I'm sure I did. I'm sure I faced the world with "you and whose army?" most days, had more strength than I believed. I had an entire lifetime ahead of me-I had WORLD to visit, places to conquer, people to be.
And now, I've lost that. I put my 12 holes on and I don't feel that anymore. I don't feel that excitement, that fire for tomorrow, the possibility like I once did.
I talk to my daughters about all the things they will be. I no longer think in terms of what I will be.
It's like for so long you ramble down a road with no end, and you're happy to not see the end, and busy chewing on the unknown when suddenly the bus stops before you're ready and BAm.
You ARE future. Where once you sat staring at books trying to decide what to read again, you now sit wondering how long the diapers will last, and why cod live oil clears up a rash so fast...You wonder how you got so fat without noticing. You wonder where you went.
You wonder if it's possible to will yourself to death.
Perhaps we will "will" ourselves to live! :-)
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:58 p.m.
are u me thordora? sounds like it! I tried on my leathers and my docs just the other day, and yeah, something was missing there, of course, my daughter telling me i didn't look right probably had something to do with it...she doesn't believe I was once cool. *sigh*
Posted by
Anonymous |
1:53 p.m.
No offense to either of you, but this is what happens when you have kids - I know they are beutiful and wonderful and blah blah blah, but I put on my big black boots the other day and still felt great - I still wear my leather and still do weird shit to my hair from time to time.
I still listen to loud music and do the same kinds of things I used (not exactly cuz that would be lame). I still have both ears pierced, but I can still tone it down enough to into the office and be a manager.
It's only wierd if you are not that person anymore, but if you WANT to be that person and you currently aren't, then you must have either changed or forgotten who you were.
Sounds like a good time throw on that Cure album and remember who you were and who you wanted to be and see if it still fits.
And never listen to your kids - WTF do they know...they're just kids.
Posted by
Anonymous |
4:25 p.m.
Yeah well.....two "not careful enoughs" later and....although if we really didn't want kids, we would have been a lot more careful...
It's just weird...nothing is the same, nor would it be without kids....I just wonder where the line goes between that and this...
and stop rubbing it in Rud....
Posted by
thordora |
9:33 a.m.
life? without kids? hardlly remember it myself!
Posted by
Anonymous |
1:05 p.m.
I remember being a teenager and thinking that I never wanted to lose my wired "edge". Now here I am, 10 years later, with a fraction of that "wired"-ness that I used to have. I think the weird biological chemicalness of your teen years accounts for the crazed (manic?) state. I still have a sort of edge, but of a different kind. The sarcasm is still there, not to mention vastly improved use of profanity. I've gained a weary, laconic wit, too.
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:03 p.m.