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So much for the high road.

I hate this.

I don't even know what it is, but I hate it.

They tell me it's likely bipolar, that I likely just came off a manic cycle. They tell me that the manic cycle is likely the source of my blowing over 300.00 in a day or so. I don't care what it is. I hate it. It makes me feel rotten, like some festering onion in a drawer, and no matter how much you peel back, it's still got this one rotten spot that you can either cut out, or throw out completely.

I hate how angry it makes the Dorf. I hate trying to explain that I cannot control it, that I am trying. I hate trying to explain why I'll give my bank card over, and manipulate it back. I can feel it happening. I have trouble stopping it. I hate how it makes me feel, how it makes the people around me feel. I hate the fact that in the midst of the only happy period, this lies underneath in wait. I hate feeling so at odds with myself. I hate having to feel like a child who can't be trusted with her own money. I hate that I can't be trusted.

I hate this.

I'm following you around BB again. Good comment on the GLBT post. Thanks.

Somebody must have said something to distract me. Sorry for trivializing your post. It was unintentional.

Nothing I can say in reassurance will help. Not even it will get better because we don't know that.

TOTALLY feel your pain, girl.... hope your week will go better moving forward! :)

Miss ya

i have this sort of thing happening a lot lately...I can't stop!!! i've told my doctor but he still thinks its just depression, but i'm not so convinced...I've even stopped taking my depression meds and ya known what? I feel even worse....so I suffer with my mania whereby I cannot stop laughing and spending thousands and then looking back and wondering why I did!

It sucks balls. But I'm swinging up again. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

NOT.

Thanks guys.

Glad to hear things are leveling out again. :) But rant and rave all you need to when they're not. :(

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