So much for the high road.
I hate this.
I don't even know what it is, but I hate it.
They tell me it's likely bipolar, that I likely just came off a manic cycle. They tell me that the manic cycle is likely the source of my blowing over 300.00 in a day or so. I don't care what it is. I hate it. It makes me feel rotten, like some festering onion in a drawer, and no matter how much you peel back, it's still got this one rotten spot that you can either cut out, or throw out completely.
I hate how angry it makes the Dorf. I hate trying to explain that I cannot control it, that I am trying. I hate trying to explain why I'll give my bank card over, and manipulate it back. I can feel it happening. I have trouble stopping it. I hate how it makes me feel, how it makes the people around me feel. I hate the fact that in the midst of the only happy period, this lies underneath in wait. I hate feeling so at odds with myself. I hate having to feel like a child who can't be trusted with her own money. I hate that I can't be trusted.
I hate this.
I don't even know what it is, but I hate it.
They tell me it's likely bipolar, that I likely just came off a manic cycle. They tell me that the manic cycle is likely the source of my blowing over 300.00 in a day or so. I don't care what it is. I hate it. It makes me feel rotten, like some festering onion in a drawer, and no matter how much you peel back, it's still got this one rotten spot that you can either cut out, or throw out completely.
I hate how angry it makes the Dorf. I hate trying to explain that I cannot control it, that I am trying. I hate trying to explain why I'll give my bank card over, and manipulate it back. I can feel it happening. I have trouble stopping it. I hate how it makes me feel, how it makes the people around me feel. I hate the fact that in the midst of the only happy period, this lies underneath in wait. I hate feeling so at odds with myself. I hate having to feel like a child who can't be trusted with her own money. I hate that I can't be trusted.
I hate this.
I'm following you around BB again. Good comment on the GLBT post. Thanks.
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:23 p.m.
Somebody must have said something to distract me. Sorry for trivializing your post. It was unintentional.
Nothing I can say in reassurance will help. Not even it will get better because we don't know that.
Posted by
Anonymous |
4:51 p.m.
TOTALLY feel your pain, girl.... hope your week will go better moving forward! :)
Miss ya
Posted by
Anonymous |
8:02 p.m.
i have this sort of thing happening a lot lately...I can't stop!!! i've told my doctor but he still thinks its just depression, but i'm not so convinced...I've even stopped taking my depression meds and ya known what? I feel even worse....so I suffer with my mania whereby I cannot stop laughing and spending thousands and then looking back and wondering why I did!
Posted by
Anonymous |
5:18 p.m.
It sucks balls. But I'm swinging up again. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
NOT.
Thanks guys.
Posted by
thordora |
10:41 a.m.
Glad to hear things are leveling out again. :) But rant and rave all you need to when they're not. :(
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:46 a.m.