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Tomorrow I officially become sterile.

There is a small part of me who doesn't want to-the part of me who, a year and a half later, enjoys her children, and selectively disregards the life threatening results of birth. There's a part of me mourning the loss of that part of my life, the part I barely ever appreciated to begin with. I can (could) give life! I could make people! I could feed people! I could do this amazing thing!

And in 24 hours, I'll no longer be able to, and most of me is awaiting this with baited breath. No more worrying about getting pregnant. No more worry, period.

But I can't help meditating on my womanhood today, and wondering how much this will take away from it. I've found myself defined in some ways by my birth experiences, transcending from girl to woman, growing, maturing, seeding and tending my own life, to become who I am now. And I kinda worry that in some ways, this will soon leave me. That I will feel sexless, a return to my adolescent state.

It's tremendous, and a little scary.

What a week.

And on a lighter note, can someone explain something? On another blog, I was trying to change the header, and a few other things-EVERYTHING is just fine in the preview, but it when I publish and few off an external link, NONE of the changes are there. I've forced refreshed, and republished, and still, nuthin.

Little help anyone?

I was fine until you broke into Greek in the penultimate paragraph.

Re tubal ligation. Everyone's different I suppose. I felt nothing but a great relief.

I can understand feeling conflicted since I think I'd feel that way too. But if there is a threat to your health involved then I think you've probably made the right decision. :)

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