Drinking is not for parents.
The last 24 hours or so have been a blur and a tired mess. IN a nutshell (since that's all I'm capable of right now)
- Start drinking at 8pm shortly after kids are in bed. I want to be DRUNK DAMMIT.
- Wait 3 hours for it to kick in. Soooo, apparently NOW I can drink people under the table. GREAT.
- Rent porn from the frighteningly large and detailed selection in ROD. Scratch heads over why the world GIRL is left as G--L along with C-M, A--, C--K and C--T.
- Nearly smack head on crappy Ikea RTA coffee table laughing at bad BAD porn. Note to self: The reason people in REAL life don't have group sex is that there really are people like dude on the video who look like a hairy cross between Golem and Marshall from Alias. shudder (However, I WAS impressed that the woman was actually REAL and had a baby pooch. Didn't stop me from nearly peeing I was laughing so hard)
- Booze kicks in HARD. Never notice what we actually end up renting.
- 2 hours later, stumble up to my bed around 1AM.
- 7AM on the fricken NOSE I hear screams. The birds, and the children apparently, are up.
- 8:30, after being supermom and making whole wheat pancakes from scratch (and mine are the best btw) I drag the spawn out to Tin Hortons for timbits so the Dorf can sleep in. Marvel at the fact that Sugar Twin doesn't taste like ass. Unfortunately, the coffee does.
- Attempt to buy sugar at SDM. Discover they are out of SUGAR, and spend 10 minutes explaining to Vivian why we will NOT be buying yes another book, and a further 5 minutes waiting for the brain surgeon to figure out how to use the cash register.
- Come home, attempt to make good for me New Orleans Red Beans & Brown Rice.
- Shake head in wonder at how I can NEVER get beans to cook. Make kids lunch no one eats.
- Afternoon spent cleaning a cupboard in a vain attempt to stay concious. Anyone want to buy a slightly used Avent Isis Manual Breast Pump?
- Make dinner no one wants to eat.
- Sit here staring at the white of the screen, reminding myself I should go to bed, and trying to not feel like a total fucking loser for being proud of the fact that I stayed under my target caloric intake for the day. Notice room spinning.
- Gonna go knit.
Next time I decide to do my 6 month bender, remind me to ship the kids off somewhere. Today sucked monkeyballs.
I'm not entirely sure how I landed here but I can only thank the god of my fellow drinking, porn-sniggering, knitting mothers for making it so. You are immediately being added to the Ladies Lounge so I can come back for more (when I'm not at my desk pretending to work).
Posted by
Bec |
10:27 p.m.
This is why my motto will always be No Dogs, No Kids. But I'm glad that others don't share this view because dogs and children always seem to supply an endless source of amusement...for me.
AND, never watch porn while you're drunk or stoned, you'll get weird ideas.
Posted by
Anonymous |
1:04 a.m.
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
1) Don't diss the Timmies, they ALWAYS rock.
2) You like porn? *snicker* Um...me too, but I'll never admit it. Oh shit.
3)Try e-baying that sucker.
4) Next time, try "O' Canada's", half baily, half chambord...sneaks up on you and knocks you on your ass.
Posted by
Anonymous |
2:11 a.m.
Ha! BTDT. The worst is when they want to RUN and Play and the "can I have this and that please?" when all you want to do is lay on the floor and whach the room spin as you try not to puke all over yourself and die in front of them choking on your own vomit. Water, bread and Tylenol.
Posted by
Brianne |
11:40 a.m.
It didn't start out bad. But as the day progressed, it got worse and worse. At bedtime, there was a very frank discussion about how mommy had too much adult juice last night, and REALLY needs both children to go to bed without a fight. Thankfully, Ros only had one nap, and Viv none, so they were OUT by 7:45.
I've had worse hangovers. But having to deal with children after a night of debauchery makes ANYTHING worse.
Posted by
thordora |
11:46 a.m.
I have to confess: I adore Tim Hortons. Not because the food and coffee are anything special, they're not, but because all too often in the past I would do silly things like drive north, and hile around in the woods for a couple of weeks with trailmix and cup of soup. TH's would be one of the first opportunities for anything resembling food, so as the hiking trip would end, I would begin to crave it.
Posted by
karrie |
1:34 p.m.
Dude, I'm getting a hangover just READING that! ;)
Posted by
Anonymous |
11:58 p.m.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I knew you had fun, but didn't realize how humorous it was until I read this. My favorite was the hairy man comment. I almost peed myself just picturing it. EW!
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:06 a.m.
KarrieWhen I was pregnant, i LOVED my coffee. But I find the longer I go without smoking, the worse certain things taste. Coffee is one of those things. I never drank coffee until I was 16 or 17,and when I started it was only because the A&W we went to wouldn't give free tea refills, only coffee.
So I think I'm returning to my non coffee ways.
Nicole It was painful. I feel better two days later though..
Nat You TOTALLY have to rent that porn JUST for the dude. It's an UNCANNY mix. And I had fun, except for the watching my kids part after...
Posted by
thordora |
11:16 a.m.
God, I've been there. And god knows I try to get there too often for my own good. However, the image of Gollum and Marshall's love child may never leave my mind...
And I loves me some New Orleans Red Beans & Rice...
Posted by
Anonymous |
4:50 p.m.