Teenage Suicide...don't do it!
I have this song in my head......and a post a brewing from a discussion...
I have ADD, and I discuss it openly. I was also a "bad" child. The "pot smoking, drunk in an alley" kind of child. I survived, I learned from mistakes, and now, I'm sorta normal. sorta.
What's funny is that someone I work with has a niece who is 16 and recently diagnosed with ADD. Her father is dead, her mother a busy working Mom, a survivor of cancer. This girl, who we shall call Naomi, is having a rough go. The usual, lashing out, taking off, crap boyfriends, drugs, all the idiot crap you do when you're 16.
And so this chick comes to me because she knows I have ADD, and so does the niece, so....she's looking for guidence and something to tell her sister.
It's not ADD. It's "I'm 16, and I'm freaked out." more than anything. Sure, some of it is the ADD, most notably the foot in mouth disease. I'm sure Naomi is totally messed up about trying to live up to her mother's expectations, trying to discover who she is, dealing with a parental death, and dealing with just plain old being 16. Then, dump ADD on top of it, with a parent who refuses to understand it or help her.
And they wonder why she runs away? She tells you the meds hurt her stomach, and you do nothing? You yell and scream at her because all she can say when she does things wrong it "I don't know why?". There is a viable reason why she smokes pot ladies.
I've been Naomi. I've drank until I blacked out, I smoked and dropped and ran around and screwed guys and stayed up for days just to see how long (65 hours was my record I believe). I was TERRIFIED. I couldn't find me, I couldn't talk to my Dad, I was terribly unhappy, and I felt like a moron because the words "You're really smart" were ALWAYS followed by "But". I couldn't understand why getting 90%+ in a class involved sitting in the class, even if you've already read "The Lottery" four million times in other schools and can't bear to read it again. I couldn't understand why nobody seemed to want to love me.
So I'm trying to tell her that her sister needs to let the poor thing be. Whether my Dad knew he had to give me enough rope with which to hang myself, or if he was just too wrapped up in his own shit to notice, it worked. I woke up one day, incredibly stoned and hungover. I hadn't been to class in weeks. I had just gotten over a raging case of Strep Throat (which they weren't even sure was strep) and I felt terrible. I looked like shit.
I took a step back and realized, this wasn't my life. It was, but it wasn't the life I wanted, or had imagined. I could see myself, not far from being a junkie. I was on that path. And it scared the living shit out of me. It was then that I packed my shit up, and moved home. My father had been transferred back to where I grew up, and I saw it as some sort of sign. I got the fuck out of Dodge.
But I needed that space when I was 16. I needed to be "let loose". I met some of the smartest, kindest people. I learned that being a little odd wasn't a big deal. I dated a 25 year old man at 16. In hindsight, EW. But I learned that age does not denote intelligence (he was a computer science major, so that's another issue altogether.). I learned I could take care of me.
I knew something was still "unfixed", but heh, everyone else blamed my mother's death. Why couldn't I?
It feels weird for me to hear about Naomi, because it's like talking about me. I tell her to have the girl email me, or call. They're all freaked out because the girl hightailed it to her boyfriend's house, and called the cops to keep her mother away. She's 16 so she can.
Why do parent's not listen? Anytime my father and I needed a break, we understood it. As my father has said many times, he may always love us, but he doesn't always like us. How could he miss me if I never left?
I tell her that I had a few "mommies" and they were all good people, who helped guide me. Some did not live lifestyles most other people who agree with, or want their children around. But they helped a very scared girl, full of bravado, become who she is.
And they always reassured me that no matter what, someone would be there, and would love me. My Dad.
Naomi needs a mommy. I'm hoping I can be her. Because sometimes, you just don't want your Mom.
I don't want Naomi to end up in places I've been before.
I have ADD, and I discuss it openly. I was also a "bad" child. The "pot smoking, drunk in an alley" kind of child. I survived, I learned from mistakes, and now, I'm sorta normal. sorta.
What's funny is that someone I work with has a niece who is 16 and recently diagnosed with ADD. Her father is dead, her mother a busy working Mom, a survivor of cancer. This girl, who we shall call Naomi, is having a rough go. The usual, lashing out, taking off, crap boyfriends, drugs, all the idiot crap you do when you're 16.
And so this chick comes to me because she knows I have ADD, and so does the niece, so....she's looking for guidence and something to tell her sister.
It's not ADD. It's "I'm 16, and I'm freaked out." more than anything. Sure, some of it is the ADD, most notably the foot in mouth disease. I'm sure Naomi is totally messed up about trying to live up to her mother's expectations, trying to discover who she is, dealing with a parental death, and dealing with just plain old being 16. Then, dump ADD on top of it, with a parent who refuses to understand it or help her.
And they wonder why she runs away? She tells you the meds hurt her stomach, and you do nothing? You yell and scream at her because all she can say when she does things wrong it "I don't know why?". There is a viable reason why she smokes pot ladies.
I've been Naomi. I've drank until I blacked out, I smoked and dropped and ran around and screwed guys and stayed up for days just to see how long (65 hours was my record I believe). I was TERRIFIED. I couldn't find me, I couldn't talk to my Dad, I was terribly unhappy, and I felt like a moron because the words "You're really smart" were ALWAYS followed by "But". I couldn't understand why getting 90%+ in a class involved sitting in the class, even if you've already read "The Lottery" four million times in other schools and can't bear to read it again. I couldn't understand why nobody seemed to want to love me.
So I'm trying to tell her that her sister needs to let the poor thing be. Whether my Dad knew he had to give me enough rope with which to hang myself, or if he was just too wrapped up in his own shit to notice, it worked. I woke up one day, incredibly stoned and hungover. I hadn't been to class in weeks. I had just gotten over a raging case of Strep Throat (which they weren't even sure was strep) and I felt terrible. I looked like shit.
I took a step back and realized, this wasn't my life. It was, but it wasn't the life I wanted, or had imagined. I could see myself, not far from being a junkie. I was on that path. And it scared the living shit out of me. It was then that I packed my shit up, and moved home. My father had been transferred back to where I grew up, and I saw it as some sort of sign. I got the fuck out of Dodge.
But I needed that space when I was 16. I needed to be "let loose". I met some of the smartest, kindest people. I learned that being a little odd wasn't a big deal. I dated a 25 year old man at 16. In hindsight, EW. But I learned that age does not denote intelligence (he was a computer science major, so that's another issue altogether.). I learned I could take care of me.
I knew something was still "unfixed", but heh, everyone else blamed my mother's death. Why couldn't I?
It feels weird for me to hear about Naomi, because it's like talking about me. I tell her to have the girl email me, or call. They're all freaked out because the girl hightailed it to her boyfriend's house, and called the cops to keep her mother away. She's 16 so she can.
Why do parent's not listen? Anytime my father and I needed a break, we understood it. As my father has said many times, he may always love us, but he doesn't always like us. How could he miss me if I never left?
I tell her that I had a few "mommies" and they were all good people, who helped guide me. Some did not live lifestyles most other people who agree with, or want their children around. But they helped a very scared girl, full of bravado, become who she is.
And they always reassured me that no matter what, someone would be there, and would love me. My Dad.
Naomi needs a mommy. I'm hoping I can be her. Because sometimes, you just don't want your Mom.
I don't want Naomi to end up in places I've been before.
Blimey, when I was 25 I wasn't dating no 16 year old!! Bloody typical, I always miss out...
Oops, not the point of the post.
Funny, I reckon all kids need to rebel and freakout at 16, whether it's hell bent for leather, like you, or being hateful to parents, or dropping out of school, or sitting in their rooms listening to The Smiths and feeling depressed (me).
I absolutely, positively DO NOT TRUST kids that are pleasant and normal (within societies narrow definition of normal) throughout their teens.
As far as I'm concerned, they are fucking pod people, and need to be burnt accordingly.
Hey Teenage Suicide, don't do it, teenage suicide, she blew it!
by Big Fun -
Or Tuneless euro fags, as they are also known.
I love that phrase, 'Teenage Suicide'. When I was in my early early twenties I used to write 'small press' (ie no one bought them and we made them ourselves) comics - mine was called Teenage Suicide. I keep meaning to publish something from it on the blog... maybe I will one day.
Posted by
Anonymous |
7:11 p.m.
Hi!
Your name seems so Icelandic to me, Thordora - Þórdóra ?
(So does New Brunswick in fact too - Nýja Brúnavík)
Posted by
Anonymous |
7:55 p.m.
I agree that they need to learn for themselves, but the scary part is that if their wake up call doesn't come soon enough, they might end up in jail or worse, dead. (And shit, they might do something that you're legally responsible for. Get fucked up the ass without even being there!)
I messed around with a 25 year-old when I was 16. Now that I am 25 myself (at least, for one more day) I can safely say that I wouldn't touch that situation with a 10-foot pole. Fucking pedophile. Do you think it's guys, mainly, that have trouble making the distinction between teenager-but-still-a-
kid-so-you-shouldn't-touch vs. actual adult? I suppose their biological wiring tells them to impregnate anything that moves.
Posted by
Anonymous |
11:51 a.m.
P.S.
I hope you're able to make a meaningful connection with her, Thordora.
Posted by
Anonymous |
11:52 a.m.
Fear and loathing of the single-parent bedtime routine
We have four kids under age 9 in our house, which makes bedtime a long and drawn-out affair on a good evening.
You have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you! I spend hours surfing blogs.
I've got my ownWedding Photographers Northampton UK site. It pretty much covers Wedding Photographers Northampton UK related stuff.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:06 p.m.
I've always been the responsible one in my family. I didn't go through any of that shit when I was sixteen. I suffered through it. and dealt with beatings from my mom and my younger brother berating me for not walking fast enough. Now he is 17 and expects me to help him. Ha!
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:57 p.m.
oh god, the SMiths. PLEASE kill me so I NEVER EVER listen to any. I HATE that man more than anyone I can think of...he's so whiny!
TUNELESS EURO FAGS! Hey, it's Robbie Williams!
You're right Herge-those "normal" kids in my high school ending up freaking out in university. The Dorf's sister is a prime example. I keep trying to explain to this woman that the only way kids BECOME is to push back at their safe place, and be allowed the room to grow. That's part of parenting-letting go.
ahhhh....small press....started one with a friend once. Never finished it....I always wanted to write one, but I can't draw for shit (that was his issue)
I want a Big Fun shirt.
Karen-I think some guys, at 25, are still 16. Looking back on it, I'm not so much "ew" as I am rolling my eyes. He was such a kid. And I wasn't even attracted to him, but rather amazed that anyone even wanted me. So I think that guys his age take advantage of chicks at that age going through the "I'm fat and ugly and no one wants me" phase. They don't have to work too hard...
and I hope I can talk to her too....
Ruby, your younger brother beat you? TRES confused darlin....
and wow, my first bit of spam....sniff....I need a moment.
either that it's another Herge alterego...
Posted by
thordora |
1:22 p.m.
What you are doing is great. I applaud you and wish you all the best with Naomi..
She needs someone to identify with.. someone who has been there and done that and someone who will not judge her!
16 is an age when u are scared and confused. I really hope she would give u the chance and open up to u and shares her fears and hopes.
good luck!
Posted by
Anonymous |
5:00 p.m.
My mom used to shake her head and tell me "you always pick up the stranglers" (she never really appreciated my odd friends or realized that I was one of them). 16 is an awkward age for all of us, I think... it helps to have someone to look up to.
I believe Naomi found that person. Hope it enriches both your lives.
Posted by
Anonymous |
5:17 p.m.
lordy...I'm not nearly as saintly as y'all seem to think I am!
But thanks. Made my night last night!
Posted by
thordora |
3:43 p.m.
and Greta, my name is entirely a pseudonym....but I LOVE Iceland!
Posted by
thordora |
4:02 p.m.
Hi Blogger,
Awesome post!
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:23 a.m.