Two Headed Monsters
One of the most difficult parts of going from one to two kids for me was the lack of Mommy.
Mommy it seems, cannot be everywhere.
For instance, if Mommy decides that she wishes to cuddle Child B, Child A will ALWAYS decide that she absolutely, positively MUST be on Mommy's lap or the world will end. And the Child B gets very very upset, and as seen on a previous post, turns into Black Canary. Child B tends to have a very very piercing voice to say the least.
What I find to be difficult is the guilt-when Rosalyn cries and whines and generally makes a pest of herself, I know that it's because I wasn't able to go to her when she needed me all the time as I had with Vivian. I know that some of her pestering if due to the fact that she doesn't feel secure. And there will always be a part of me that will think she knows I wanted to abort her. That same part of me always feels like she'll get cancer or something, and die, just to spite me.
It's horrible though isn't it, the second child issue, the feeling that you cannot possibly devote enough time to either, that you can't give the second born the moments that the first born had. Everything for the second born seems so anticlimatic.
Remember when you're pregnant with the first? People are falling over themselves to help, give you things, they call every day near the due date to ask if you popped yet, then send gifts to the hospital. The in laws can barely stay away.
Announcing the second pregnancy barely got a "whoop!". No one called to see when she was coming. Gifts seemed send out of obligation. Barely any visitors to the hospital. We had to beg our inlaws to come help, before I slit my wrists.
Firsts like solid food and walking are just givens. No one gets excited about them really. You expect the second born to sleep through the night. You've figured out that it's the burping that's causing that messy projectile vomiting issue.
Sometimes I get a brief moment alone with my baby, and she seems so happy to have those few minutes to herself. And I get so sad thinking, this is all she knows. I barely ever have a chance to interact with her one on one. What am I losing? Is she more independant and into her own thing because that's her nature, or did I cause this?
GUILT GUILT GUILT.
It never bloody well ends. I'm sure I'll have all this thrown back in my face at 15 too.
Mommy it seems, cannot be everywhere.
For instance, if Mommy decides that she wishes to cuddle Child B, Child A will ALWAYS decide that she absolutely, positively MUST be on Mommy's lap or the world will end. And the Child B gets very very upset, and as seen on a previous post, turns into Black Canary. Child B tends to have a very very piercing voice to say the least.
What I find to be difficult is the guilt-when Rosalyn cries and whines and generally makes a pest of herself, I know that it's because I wasn't able to go to her when she needed me all the time as I had with Vivian. I know that some of her pestering if due to the fact that she doesn't feel secure. And there will always be a part of me that will think she knows I wanted to abort her. That same part of me always feels like she'll get cancer or something, and die, just to spite me.
It's horrible though isn't it, the second child issue, the feeling that you cannot possibly devote enough time to either, that you can't give the second born the moments that the first born had. Everything for the second born seems so anticlimatic.
Remember when you're pregnant with the first? People are falling over themselves to help, give you things, they call every day near the due date to ask if you popped yet, then send gifts to the hospital. The in laws can barely stay away.
Announcing the second pregnancy barely got a "whoop!". No one called to see when she was coming. Gifts seemed send out of obligation. Barely any visitors to the hospital. We had to beg our inlaws to come help, before I slit my wrists.
Firsts like solid food and walking are just givens. No one gets excited about them really. You expect the second born to sleep through the night. You've figured out that it's the burping that's causing that messy projectile vomiting issue.
Sometimes I get a brief moment alone with my baby, and she seems so happy to have those few minutes to herself. And I get so sad thinking, this is all she knows. I barely ever have a chance to interact with her one on one. What am I losing? Is she more independant and into her own thing because that's her nature, or did I cause this?
GUILT GUILT GUILT.
It never bloody well ends. I'm sure I'll have all this thrown back in my face at 15 too.
Na, she probably won't even remember this spot in her life. Hell, Vivian probably won't remember much of now either.
I was the last to be born, and never felt like I didn't get enough one on one time with mom. I feel guilty saying I'm blind and maybe got more attention because of all of that, but maybe that's the case. We each got our time and that was the way it was. Aslong as you know mommy cares, taht's all that matters...I would think.
Posted by
Anonymous |
1:31 p.m.
I am the oldest and I found that the younger they were: the more they got (attention and otherwise). Must be a different family dynamic, I guess. Or a different point of view maybe. But as the oldest, I got nothing except the blame when stuff went down. lol
Posted by
Anonymous |
9:28 p.m.
Oh argh! I just commend you on staying relatively sane through all this. I'd be a royal basket case!
But you know what, to them you probably still seem the totally sane, adult, in-control mommy ever!
Posted by
Anonymous |
12:42 a.m.
As the older of two, I was unhappy much of the time because almost every time I was allowed to do something (like a little later bedtime), my brother got to do it too. Not exactly jealously; I just didn't think it was fair. Of course now I do the same thing with the two younger girls.
Posted by
Anonymous |
1:55 a.m.
I too anguished over the two child dilemma. Then I found a simple solution. I sold them to Gypsies. It was profitable too. Truly a win - win situation.
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:46 a.m.
LA LA LA LA LA LA.....
I so did not want to read that at t-minus 7 weeks and counting to the 2nd Rugrat's arrival.
I have many of the same worries.
Posted by
Anonymous |
10:47 a.m.
Carin : I think you're likely right-it's a "eye of the beholder" thing.
Nat : I have a distinct suspicion that we will eventually end up that way, mostly because Vivian is SOOOO balls to the wall about everything, and I don't have the same fears with her that I do with Rosalyn. It's weird.
And I was the youngest, and DEFINTELY got more attention. But then, I'm cuter than my brother.
Nicole : dude, you totally need to cut back on the coke. I barely keep it together most days, and the one thing that usually keeps me saneish. But thanks-flattery will get you everywhere!
Granny : I'm trying to avoid doing that, because I've heard that echoed by many people. Plus, the girls are so different already that I don't think I can apply everything like that. And there are times, like when curfew gets extended, that should be "special" for the person getting it.
Ozy: That fucking cracked me up. Gypsies. My mother was obsessed with gypsies stealing stuff at our house for some reason when I was a kid.
Jennifer : I don't mean to scare you. Most days it's not so bad. But you will face this at first so much that your heart will feel so squeezed. Other days, you'll have both snuggled on the couch with you, and it's great.
I won't lie. The first 2-3 months are REALLY REALLY hard. But then it gets better once they play. Of course, as I write this, I hear screaming and "Don't hit her on the head with dinosaurs.
Posted by
thordora |
12:34 p.m.
I feel guilty for similar reasons....my daughter I kenw I wanted, my son not so much and I was not nearly as excited with the second's firsts as I thought I'd be, and that depressed me further.
Why can't it be the same straight across the board for each and every child?
I wish I had been able to give my first born as much material things as I can offer my second however as well as the patience I've learned alongside her.
Posted by
Anonymous |
5:21 p.m.